[nikki2291]

I don't understand it...why didn't he care about what I did??? I was staying at a friend's place, and he knows that I SI. He had said that he cared about me and such. He knew that I was under alot of stress and had been asked not to leave me alone. He had to go to bed though, understandable. So, I had ended up cutting, and because I was triggered so bad, I had gone to deep...again....for the sixth time . I was terrified that I had hit a vein, so I woke him up. There was blood everywhere, there was puddles of it...I was so scared, I needed comfort, to know that he really did care. He cleaned my arm up, took a 3 second look at the cut, and said "your fine" then WENT BACK TO BED!!!! How could someone be so cruel, so heartless? I hate him for that, he made me want to go deeper with the cut, to really bleed, to show him that I was not fine and never will be...I am trying so hard to stop, but I can't do it, I have been in the hospital 5 times to be taped up because of this. I feel like he doesn't care at all, like if he goes to bed and ignores me then maybe my cutting will go away. Like, sure I'm fine, the puddles of blood on your floor are nothing, . Ugh!!! I just don't know what to do. This is such a big deal to me but no one with me seems to realize that!!! Anyway, this is kinda turning into a rant so I am going to stop =/.

~Nikki~