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BlueB · 16-12-2008, 01:26 PM

I'm really trying to hold on and keep mysef distracted but I'm all alone in the house and it's so hard...I can find even less reasons for staying alive now.My therapist still hasn't called me back,I don't know whether I should ring again because I guess he's busy and stuff but I just don't know who else to talk to,he is the only person who really knows the truth about any of this.

I honestly don't think it's for the best my mum finding it out,that's why it's hit me so hard....she has emotionally and physically abused me my whole life,everything I do or say I've been made to feel bad and guilty when most of the time I don't even know what I've done wrong.I've lost count of the amount of times I was hit,kicked and slapped by her and I know this is going to make things a million times worse.She doesn't live with my dad,no...my parents split when I was about 5,just before the SA started.I feel guilty that she is having to deal with this on her own...I hope she doesn't tell my younger brother because there is no way that I want to subject him to knowing and there is no need.My mum has depression too and I'm worried that because she lives on her own she is going to really hurt herself,she often talks about killing herself and I fear the worst...but I can't bring myself to ring her because what would I say?There are no words for this and I'm not sure yet that she even believes me,in fact I doubt she does....I don't want her to go to the police,I don't think she would,what if she contacts my dad or my other brother and sister?Then even more people are going to find out the disgusting things that I did.

16-12-2008, 01:26 PM	#3
BlueB Join Date: May 2008 Location: East Midlands I am currently:	I'm really trying to hold on and keep mysef distracted but I'm all alone in the house and it's so hard...I can find even less reasons for staying alive now.My therapist still hasn't called me back,I don't know whether I should ring again because I guess he's busy and stuff but I just don't know who else to talk to,he is the only person who really knows the truth about any of this. I honestly don't think it's for the best my mum finding it out,that's why it's hit me so hard....she has emotionally and physically abused me my whole life,everything I do or say I've been made to feel bad and guilty when most of the time I don't even know what I've done wrong.I've lost count of the amount of times I was hit,kicked and slapped by her and I know this is going to make things a million times worse.She doesn't live with my dad,no...my parents split when I was about 5,just before the SA started.I feel guilty that she is having to deal with this on her own...I hope she doesn't tell my younger brother because there is no way that I want to subject him to knowing and there is no need.My mum has depression too and I'm worried that because she lives on her own she is going to really hurt herself,she often talks about killing herself and I fear the worst...but I can't bring myself to ring her because what would I say?There are no words for this and I'm not sure yet that she even believes me,in fact I doubt she does....I don't want her to go to the police,I don't think she would,what if she contacts my dad or my other brother and sister?Then even more people are going to find out the disgusting things that I did.