[Diamonds.]

I know I don't deserve your help...but please could I have it?

Gawd, I don't even know where to start. I hurt so much inside, i feel sick.
I have no life in me anymore, no happiness, nothing. I want to just waste away. I want everyone to stop loving me, so when I die, they won't miss me. I feel like i don't deserve anyone's love or attention.

I am sick of cutting myself, truely. I don't want to do it anymore. I just want to stop. But i just can't. It's part of me now. I'd feel lost without marks on my arms. I'm damaged. I make myself feel sick. Im ugly and fat. i have NO self-confidence at all. I hate myself so much, i just want to die.

I can't get the abuse out of my head. I don't believe ive been abused, i feel like ive brought it all onto myself, like i attracted them. Like i asked for it. I can sorta understand when i was 7 and he felt me up and ****, yea, maybe then i wasent to blame. But at 12/14/17 maybe it was my fault. Maybe i flirted with them. Maybe...
At 14, i LOVED that bloke. Did he use me or did i ask him to? I didn't want it, i felt dirty and wrong. But i went back to him cos i loved him so so much. Is that me, letting him? Did I let him? I can remember when

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he went down there with his tongue, and i hated it. I cringe to this day at the thought.

I have SO much anger inside of me, i hurt with every bone in my body. Im so tired, physically and mentally, i want it all to go away. I just want to die. I just want it all to end. I can't go on anymore. I really can't.