Hey Ems,
Sorry to hear you are having a tough time at the moment.
I can relate to what you said about your mood just dropping, and it feeling like it's the end. I think it's positive that you realize you've experienced this before because often people can muddle through all of this and not learn what is happening to them but by knowing what happens, you've got a chance to change it or at least learn skills to cope if this happens in the future.
It was really brave of you to go to the hospital and I know staying in can be really difficult so it's understandable that you discharged yourself. How do you feel about having discharged yourself at the moment? Sometimes hospital can help but other times I don't think it necessarily does so perhaps this time was one of those times. If not though, would you be able to return to the hospital?
Well done for handing over your tablets, that must have been a hard thing to do but you did it and I'm sure I speak for many when I say that I am proud of you for doing that. What made you want to hand over your tablets and protect yourself? Try and hold on to whatever emotions and thoughts were behind that and apply it to wanting to hurt yourself now.
Have you heard anything from the crisis team or your Doctor? As others have said, it may be that they had to deal with an emergency which is frustrating but of course can't be helped. Is there a number than you can contact to get hold of them? Or alternatively, until the crisis team ring or your Doctor, could you try ringing a helpline such as The Samaritans?
Lotti x
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