[zowie]

I'm going to go back to eating 1 meal a day. Don't tell me I shouldn't, I was on one meal a day and then when people told me to go up to three meals a day I put on three stone and am STILL gaining). Plus I am never hungry enough for a third meal but I just do it anyway coz I'm so greedy.
I'm going to exercise more. I am saving up for a wii fit and me and my sister have made a pact that we will spend half an hour on the dance mat each day and encourage each other.
Sounds like crap exercise since it's all computer games really, but it's the best I can do. as I am too self conscious to join a gym, can't go swimming coz of my scars and can't go running or cycling coz I smoke.
However, I reckon my meds play a big part in the weight gain and there's also the fact that I like a few pints at the weekend. So I'm going to have to work extra hard.
Then there's the SH. I am really going to try my best to stop. I have bought bio oil which is good for making scars less visible (plus they help reduce stretch marks which fatty here has obviously got) and am applying it twice a day. There would be no point if I were planning to just hurt myself again (and that stuff is well expensive) so I really mean it this time.
I feel like I can overcome it if I get suicidal urges. I feel like I've been given a new prospective on life. I think things like how I would feel if certain people around me died, then reverse it and realise how much I would hurt them. I also think things like 'if I died now, I would never see another summer. I will never see my little sister or my baby cousins grow up' And it keeps me going.
I don't know why I'm making a post about this. I guess this is my new year's resolution and I'm just starting early. And I guess I may need a bit of support to keep me going