Agreeing with above-- that when you know you don't like hooking up with a guy but you feel you must go along with it anyway, that's most likely due to abuse. Or at least, has nothing to do with your own sexual orientation, with what's coming from you, it's not about your own desires.
I think sexuality's complicated... I think you can be anywhere along a continuum from exclusively homosexual to exclusively hetero, and anywhere on another continuum from asexual to really sexual, and that that can change over time and situation. Also that there are likely some biological factors and some environmental factors.
I didn't have any sexual feelings of my own until I was almost 20, which probably has something to do with past (abusive) experiences. And then I identified as lesbian, (though I wouldn't swear I could never be attracted to a guy), and I'm not asexual, but I'm probably less sexual than average. Not that average means normal or right in this situation.
It makes me mad when I think about people who would smugly say that they *know* I developed in my warped way because of what happened with my dad. Like if that hadn't happened, or if I were 'healthy,' I'd be straight, and more sexual. I feel like that abuse took enough away from me, and I don't want to give it the power to have decided my sexuality too. And there are really too many factors at play to say that any one of them is entirely responsible for stuff.
I do think my abuse affected my sexuality-- in suppressing it until I was older, and possibly in making same-sex stuff more appealing, since I didn't have negative experiences in that. But a)abuse affected me in lots of ways, most of which I consider more 'important' than sexual wiring, and b)at this point, I personally don't feel a lot of interest in thinking about the link between abuse and me being gay-- now I'm married and monogamous, so I feel like sexual orientation is kind of a moot issue, now that I am really happy with and in love with my wife.
I guess I just get frustrated at the idea that there is one right way to be and that those who aren't that way are screwed up and need to be fixed. I don't think any professional has the right (or the knowledge) to tell you why you are how you are, and how you should be-- because there are lots of factors that have affected how you are, and there is no one best way to be that's right for everyone.
Not everybody is meant to be straight and get married and have 2.5 kids, you know? Some people want to be single. Some want to have kids, or adopt kids, or never let a kid set foot in their house. For some people, sex is a huge priority in their lives, for others, not so much. Some people like sex act 'x' or 'y' or 'z' and it's just human diversity, which is a GOOD thing.
I think the most important thing is that you know what you want out of life, relationships, and such, and that if you want to be with someone else, that you find someone who's on the same page as you.
|