[Ami]

Hey all,

Okay, instead of posting multiple threads, i thought i'd break this into sections with a few issues. Feel free to just answer to one of the sections if you want :)

1) I have an obsession and its ruining my life. Its about how i look. I am just so ugly. People disagree, but i still cant help what i actually see in the mirror. It hurts to know i am not perfect [even though i know most people aren't]. But I want to be the person that my bf/gf looks at. Also, i spend a considerable amount of time looking a thinspiration, or women on the internet, or in mags, or in real life. I feel so suicidal about how much of a monstrosisty [ i think i am], and i can only see 2 options to solve this: plastic surgery or suicide. I very nearly tried the latter today [ see point 2]. Somnetimes i think its society who's got the problem. Success is measued in how sexy you are or how big your breasts are, and therefore i am the ultimate failure. I dont understand why i feel so strongly about the way i look, other people are able to accept it but i cannot.

2) Today i skipped college to try and kill myself. I bourght the equipment i needed, and spend about 2 hours trying to find the perfect place. I spent the next 2 hours bawling my eyes out and arguing in my head whether to do it. My dad found out about came to pick me up. He took my stuff off me. He seemed very pissed off and upset. He said i need to think about other people and stuff, which i fully understand.

I want to get better because i dont want to live like this. But until i am happy with the way i look, suicide seems like the only answer.

Thanks for reading xx