My cousin suffers from hypochondria and we talk about it a lot so I have some understanding of it. I can also relate to it in a way because I have such severe panic/paranoia/anxiety. It is by no means the same at all, but it allows me to relate to a certain extent.
You don't have to apologize for such a long thread and if you write long threads and more about what you are feeling and I see them, I'll read them. That is what I am here for, what we are all here for. I want to support you. I do care about what you are going through and I feel so sad that you are struggling with your symptoms so much right now.
It truly is suffering and has to be awful to try and cope with it and be afraid all the time.
*hugs*
I know you said that you didn't think therapy would help you. Of course I respect whatever decisions you make for yourself.
The only thing I can tell you is that my cousin has been able to gain a lot of control over his symptoms through a combination of therapy (he took his time finding the right therapist for him) and medication (an anti-anxiety medication). Using both of these things and some time, he is doing so much better than he was. For a time he thought he was going to die all the time. Every time something, anything was wrong he thought it was life-threatening and was going to kill him. That isn't the case anymore.
Occaisionally, he has a bad day or will have a "relapse" if you will but even those are nothing like what they used to be.
I really hope you are able to find a way to get some relief from your symptoms and gain some control.
In the meantime please don't be shy and write as much as you want and if you ever want to, you can PM me any time.
Please take care of yourself and know you are cared about here.