[Inferno.]

Hello.. i don't usually write in english forums, but i'm having a few problems with this "pathology" and i really need to feel that i'm not alone in this, i need to know that there is another person there doing the same thing that i do. The spanish forums in wich i write and tried to help, aren't being really helpful.. at least for me. I enjoy helping other people but my main problem is feeling.. alone.

I searched many of this forums early this year, and around 90%, 95% are womes who cut themselves, at least in the places i saw. So, being a boy, who burns himself, in a way i haven't read others do, it kinda sucks. There has to be someone there a little more crazy than me who hasn't lost his mind.

Two weeks ago, i had a surgery in my ear. One of the surgeons, a nurse, then my father (Different moments) started to ask me what was that in my arms and chest, how i did i do that. I manage to not answer to any of them, but a couple of hours ago my sister wrote me a sms asking about my "tattos", because my father told him because he was worried about me.

I hurt myself (edit: by burning). If i'm going to torture myself, at least i wanted to do something nice so i make a couple of symbols that i liked. They aren't going to go away, but i'm okay with that. As you may realize, this is not something that i can discuss face to face without appear to be a lunatic. In fact many people think that i'm smart, but they know that there is something off with me, haha. They just don't know the entire story.

I'm not going to write about my life, motives and all that, there is too much as you can imagine and this is not the place or the time for that, but well, the message in my cellphone of my sister telling me that my doctor spoke with my mother after the surgery, is in my head and that's the reason of me being here, i can't forget that so i wanted to write a little. She told me that the surgeon scared my mother, it seems that when i was asleep for the sedatives, she showed her my burns in my arms and my chest, saying that she have never seen a burn like that.

Well, i hope you can understand everything that i said. I'm not sure what i want, maybe knowing that there is someone there who also hurts himself really badly. When i started to do this, it started with cigarette burns. Then browsing the net i found about this Self injurers and i realize that i was one of them, my symptons were there, most of them. Only that it seems that i needed more pain than the average person..

Well.. thanks for reading all this..
Christian B.