Sweetie,
Please don't throw away your chance of help. Is there anybody in school you can trust? It sounds like it may be help to speak to somebody about you going to CAMHS, someone from school would be able to sort out the problems of missing school and so on. Actually, CAMHS do have after-school appointments (albeit only 4 a week) but you may not even have to miss lessons and sometimes CAMHS will come to school if it's easier, which would solve the worry of you having to get there.
I really encourage you not to give up on this help just yet. Even if you just go for that first appointment and THEN decide it's too much hassle, at least you will know that you tried and it didn't work out for you.
What is making you so afraid of your parents finding out? I'm not sure of your situation so it may be different for you but often parents can surprise us.
Is there a family friend or a member of your family that you trust? Maybe talk to them about what is going on for you.
Lotti
P.S. Nobody is going to judge you on RYL so please don't feel you have to explain yourself to us, we care about you and want to help you.
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