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-Stewie- · 17-11-2008, 02:57 PM

i am in a similar position to you in my relationship- if i knew how to fix it i would tell you, but as i dont all i can do is offer my thoughts and what i can relate to.

i have the 'i would do anything to make this work even though by the looks of things its nearing the beginning of the end' feeling all the time. basically how ive started dealing with it is by stopping. and its hard but worth it if you want piece of mind. stop doing the things that make you feel like he doesnt love you and like you're putting in all of the work in the relationship. when you cook, just cook for yourself. when he asks for time alone, if you dont fancy going out that day, say to him 'ok then, have fun wherever you go, ill see you later'.

as im in that position i cant say if it really means anything but it does make you feel better and more equal rather than feeling like the relationship is based on how high you can jump every time he clicks his fingers. if you want equality there is nothing you can do to force him to make more effort, so you have to make less. basically.

can also relate to the not being told if ive done anything until its too late. all you can do there is tell him that you need him to be more open rather than just letting it build up and then lashing out at you. again you cant make him do that, all you can do is say how you feel and then learn to shrug your shoulders if he does it in future. because like you said- its too late, theres nothing you can do. its in the past, all you can do is remember not to repeat it in the future.

the lies- thats the one difference between our situations. if he started lying to me then it would be over because you cant have a relationship without trust. if you dont feel you can trust him and he doesnt feel he can trust you enough to tell you the truth then all the relationship will do is feed and justify your paranoia and pessimism.

and get the whole idea of proving yourself to him right out of your head. from the sounds of it you're not the one who has to prove anything- you're making all the effort here as it is.

17-11-2008, 02:57 PM	#2
-Stewie- da quen b Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: London I am currently:	i am in a similar position to you in my relationship- if i knew how to fix it i would tell you, but as i dont all i can do is offer my thoughts and what i can relate to. i have the 'i would do anything to make this work even though by the looks of things its nearing the beginning of the end' feeling all the time. basically how ive started dealing with it is by stopping. and its hard but worth it if you want piece of mind. stop doing the things that make you feel like he doesnt love you and like you're putting in all of the work in the relationship. when you cook, just cook for yourself. when he asks for time alone, if you dont fancy going out that day, say to him 'ok then, have fun wherever you go, ill see you later'. as im in that position i cant say if it really means anything but it does make you feel better and more equal rather than feeling like the relationship is based on how high you can jump every time he clicks his fingers. if you want equality there is nothing you can do to force him to make more effort, so you have to make less. basically. can also relate to the not being told if ive done anything until its too late. all you can do there is tell him that you need him to be more open rather than just letting it build up and then lashing out at you. again you cant make him do that, all you can do is say how you feel and then learn to shrug your shoulders if he does it in future. because like you said- its too late, theres nothing you can do. its in the past, all you can do is remember not to repeat it in the future. the lies- thats the one difference between our situations. if he started lying to me then it would be over because you cant have a relationship without trust. if you dont feel you can trust him and he doesnt feel he can trust you enough to tell you the truth then all the relationship will do is feed and justify your paranoia and pessimism. and get the whole idea of proving yourself to him right out of your head. from the sounds of it you're not the one who has to prove anything- you're making all the effort here as it is.
	"Zeus did not want man to throw his life away, no matter how much the other evils might torment him, but rather to go on letting himself be tormented anew. To that end, he gives man hope. In truth, it is the most evil of evils because it prolongs man's torment."