Your not pathetic at all, it must have been very hard to think about giving your doctor the note. Just because you havent managed it this time doesnt mean that you cant do it next time. What about taking someone close to you with you and maybe you could ask them to give your doctor the note.
You're not a bad person, and you do deserve help. What do you think makes you a bad person? What evidence do you have, it is just your brain making you think that, its not true. The probable reason why they are not giving you the help you need is because you are not telling them everything they they need in order to help you. No matter how hard it is, you need to be honest with them and tell them that you are struggling and need help. Until you get the confidence to do this, you wont get help. The doctors or anyone else certainly doesnt want you gone from this world, they just simply dont know the facts. Try and challenge your thoughts because there probably isnt much evidence to back up the negative thoughts. You sound like you need help. I know a few people with what you have and I know that they have responded well to treatment and are getting better. Its not easy to ask for help, but once you do, things will start getting a bit easier. Hope this helps.
PM me if you need or want to, Im here for you for anything.
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