*suicide trigger*
WHEN SUICIDE MAKES SENSE.....
sometimes it just DOES. ive worked so hard to please people. ive spent my whole life doing this. but i continually fail. ive always been an advocate for children. but ive had it thrown in my face. i dont have a home anymore. its basically just a place to lay my head. ive been told what to do and what not to do. and i always obey. i was trained to obey, im very good at it.
but my passion has been taken from me, my voice has been taken. i have lost myself. i cant be who i am. so i dont know who to be anymore.
this is when suicide makes sense. when everything in your life has failed. when you see no future beyond this minute. when youve made no difference in anyone's life. you become a nuissance. you become a pest. you have no more hopes or dreams because you have failed at them all. there are more people who hate you than love you. you are the common denominator in your life. you have no idea why people dislike you. they just do. there is something intracitely wrong with you. you are tainted. maybe you always have been. you no longer serve a purpose. you have been forced to live under a microscope, hoping you dont make a wrong move and become homeless. this is when suicide makes sense.
but the worst part is that even though it makes sense....you wont do it because you have the sweetest little boy who lives so far away. and he will never give up on you. he has faith in you. and you cant possibly leave him. he is the one constant in your life.
so, whether or not dying makes sense...you dont have that option. this sinks you into a depression like youve never experienced.
you become a robot just going through the motions.
life means nothing because your soul is slowly dying and soon you'll only be a walking shell with nothing left inside. but you keep going because you have no other option.
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