thank you Deanna.
everything you say makes sense.
but things are more complicated....this trailer is in her father's name because years ago kelly got in financial trouble and was afraid the collection people would take her home. she decided to let her father take on the trailer so she wouldnt lose it. since then she has asked to change it back to her name but he wont do it. and she WONT stand up to him.
he could put me out at anytime. i pretty much know he would have already if i wasnt paying the bills because if i am gone he has to pay the bills because kelly cant work.
i cant be involved with kaleb to the extent that i am without speaking my mind. and i seem to cause more trouble than help. ive honestly NEVER lived like this or known people like this. i dont know how to act. they live right next door.
im so upset, depressed. ive even told kelly that i may need inpatient for a WHILE. and if i go...i may go soon so i can be out for christmas, so i can see my OWN son
no one seems to understand(i dont mean folks here) how hard its been taking care of another little boy while mine is gone.
today, kelly questioned me how i was going to "distance" myself from kaleb. it felt like more of a guilt trip than a question. i told her that if she needed to question anyone about ANYTHING.....she needed to question her parents and not me.
she was falling asleep earlier on the couch....i kept waking her because kaleb was here. i CANT be responsible for him anymore for my own sanity. but she kept going back to sleep....i finally told her to send him to her parents.
she's napping now.
im so lost. i didnt defend myself against her mother or father last night. that isnt like me. i usually defend myself. even my mother couldnt believe that i didnt. i feel so beaten down. so tired....defeated.
sorry for the essay.
i dont even know if im really typing this. everything seems so surreal. im losing time or something....i dont know