RYL Forums - View Single Post - the effect peoples expectations have on us

wigeon · 12-10-2008, 05:00 PM

I believe that in many cases the most severe form of expectation (And often the most damaging) comes from the individual themselves. Of course it's not helped by society or those around us, as we see others succeed and then say to ourselves 'I should be able to do that'. A lot of unrealistic expectations branch from feelings of worthlessness and a wish to prove things that can't really be proven.

For instance, I bet anyone's parents would love them just as much as if they got Cs in school compared to As, or if they were overweight or underweight, or if they were a world-class musician or not. Naturally schools will want to push you as far as you can go to get results because they get graded on them, and also because that's what they feel you can attain, but in the end the only one that will be upset and beating themselves up over missing that A or A* will probably be you.

I think it's heightened with people with mental illnesses. Perfectionism plays such an integral part in so many psychological illnesses that it's very understandable that young people put pressure on themselves to perform as well as, if not better, than when they were healthy. What I think these people don't realise (and I'm including myself in here) is that the people around them will be so proud of them for making tiny steps, such as even making it to school one day that they won't care whether they've failed a class or not.

I'm going off the subject now, but I got my AS results this summer after dropping out and restarting sixth form due to depression etc, and I was really disappointed with what I got. (Which, in retrospect was very good actually but it wasn't straight As so I had a bit of a breakdown) I'll never forget what my mum said to me. She said "I don't care whether you passed or failed. The fact that you're still alive and you even managed to go to school and take exams means the world to me."

So yeah, ramble over. I think a lot of expectations in teens these days comes from within...

12-10-2008, 05:00 PM	#9
wigeon I kill threads! Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Nothingham I am currently:	I believe that in many cases the most severe form of expectation (And often the most damaging) comes from the individual themselves. Of course it's not helped by society or those around us, as we see others succeed and then say to ourselves 'I should be able to do that'. A lot of unrealistic expectations branch from feelings of worthlessness and a wish to prove things that can't really be proven. For instance, I bet anyone's parents would love them just as much as if they got Cs in school compared to As, or if they were overweight or underweight, or if they were a world-class musician or not. Naturally schools will want to push you as far as you can go to get results because they get graded on them, and also because that's what they feel you can attain, but in the end the only one that will be upset and beating themselves up over missing that A or A* will probably be you. I think it's heightened with people with mental illnesses. Perfectionism plays such an integral part in so many psychological illnesses that it's very understandable that young people put pressure on themselves to perform as well as, if not better, than when they were healthy. What I think these people don't realise (and I'm including myself in here) is that the people around them will be so proud of them for making tiny steps, such as even making it to school one day that they won't care whether they've failed a class or not. I'm going off the subject now, but I got my AS results this summer after dropping out and restarting sixth form due to depression etc, and I was really disappointed with what I got. (Which, in retrospect was very good actually but it wasn't straight As so I had a bit of a breakdown) I'll never forget what my mum said to me. She said "I don't care whether you passed or failed. The fact that you're still alive and you even managed to go to school and take exams means the world to me." So yeah, ramble over. I think a lot of expectations in teens these days comes from within...
	AMY. You're not as messed up as you think you are, Your self-absorption makes you messier. Just settle down and you could feel a whole lot better, Deep down, you're just like everybody else.