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Going down
The last week has been so good and I felt like my mood had finally begun to lift. I think it lifted because I got chatting to a guy from the day hospital that I go to and I am getting on really well with him so that gave me a boost. Now today I just feel down and flat, I cant feel any emotions. I hate being like this because I have no feelings, I would rather have bad emotions that no emotions because then I would feel a bit more normal. I think my depression will lift but Im scared like s**t that I will relapse in the future.
I am being taken off my olanzapine bit by bit so I hope I dont relapse. I am still taking mirtazapine but by the time that I leave the day hospital I think that the doctors will want me off that as well. What if my mood dips again, I cant go back to feeling that bad. At one point it go so unbearable I took an overdose and then while I was in hospital I tried several times to kill myself. I cant go back to that, I want a life and I want to be happy.
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