thank you for all your kind words. they're all that keep me going
would hold off changing them if they weren't still bleeding/weeping through,heh. although i'll be honest i've just put a jumper on so i can ignore the fact it'll probably get infected if i leave it too long.i don't really care.
As for IP, they've just shut down the mental health department in my locality, so short of running up a private bill on credit..its not likely.
as for help- the hospital asked if i wanted them to ring the pcmht for me. they said it'd likely be more effective if i did.
Rang- though was pretty pointless; asked to speak to the on call dr. best they gave me was a social worker who said she'd see me next week.said she'd ring me with a time 'at some point'.
everything inside me is telling me to walk out. just pack a few sets of pants and walk. walk.train.bus.whatever-anything till all the money is gone. just to go, til everything is gone.
have managed to be walking around. enough to get myself a coffee anyhow.
3 more seizures today-almost makes me wish there was some route in epilepsy;alas, they're all trauma based. have had very little sleep for a good few days - unless you count passing out. everything aches. arm is splinted because of damage so thats rather limiting.
if im completely honest- i know i'm not holding on. so much despair
it envelopes me so quickly, so easily, so fully.
have hit such a deadness. desperation. i don't really know how to cope with myself.
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