I found it hell leaving my first ever therapist when moving CAMHS to CMHT so I totally relate to what you're saying right now. All I can say is you'll be surprised how quickly it gets easier- and it DOES get easier. Therpeutic relationships are funny things, you're in a room with someone and telling them stuff that you wouldn't tell even people closest to you. But it can never be a proper "relationship" because it is always going to be one way. They have their own lives and interests that we learn nothing about and it may not be comforting but it sometimes helps to remember that.
I remember being daunted about the prospect of seeing a new person, thinking I would never be able to open up to someone like that again- but you do and I did. Instead of seeing it as something coming to an end, try and see it as the beginning of a new phase in your recovery. Try and think about the positives. Your CPN has given some valuable input and support to you so far, but perhaps this is the opportunity to get a fresh perspective on your problems? Perhaps it would help to write down all the things you've gained from seeing your CPN as a reminder to yourself of all the positives, and this may help you to see past the negative of stopping seeing her right now.
What you are feeling now is a totally normal and natural reaction. In a sense it is grieving because you are suffering a loss, not just in your CPN but on a wider scale too and its also a change and no one likes change that much at all. Not being able to contact her is for your own good, because phone conversations are never going to be the same as face to face, and in effect you are drawing out the inevitable, that at some point you would have had to part ways, and the more drawn out it is the more painful it will be in the long run. You WILL get through this and you WILL feel better. Its not going to be an overnight thing, but eventually you'll be able to look back and think of it as something positive, as opposed to the pain you are feeling right now of letting go.
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