Hey hun,
You do deserve friends, you deserve a LOT. I totally understand about how when the restricting gets better the SI gets worse, I have exactly the same thing.
Telling your mom can be hard, but I promise you she won't be upset at YOU. She'll maybe be upset, but not at you... more for you... she'll be sad and feel confussed and might not know how to help you, and she might appear angry at first, but give her some time- she most likely will be more angry at herself than you, she will think she did something to let you down... But even if she feels that way at first, she won't for long, it won't hurt her I promise. She's your mom, she'll want to help, and once she understands it and realizes how much courage it takes for you to tell her, I think she'll feel really honored and special because you trusted her enough and loved her enough to ask for her help. But, you have to be ready to tell her too... it can be difficult to open up to someone and tell them these things. Maybe if/when you do tell her, have resources available for her, to help her understand. Maybe write it down in a note for her, you could leave it where she'll find it, or you can just hand it to her and tell her "mom, there's something we need to talk about, but I wrote you a letter... I want you to read it when I'm not around, and I included some information for you to research, and after you've learned some about it and have a few days to process it, then let's talk"... just a few ideas... but do what YOUR comfortable with.
Just be safe and take care of yourself, okay?
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