thank you so much, everyone, for your replies. your thoughts have really helped and made it much easier to think things through slightly differently.
i have decided to put off any plans i have for a few weeks: it's my sister's birthday and my granma is coming down to stay for a week too, this weekend.
today i am seeing B, the psychotherapist, and now that i don't have any immediate plans to act on my thoughts, hopefully i will talk to her about them.
thanks again
