[Misunderstood.]

Saw my brother who's 3 yrs 11 months younger than me for the last time i will till around xmas yesterday. he's going travelling with his gf. i only see him once a month but i'm rele going to miss him.
plus a friend of mine is going through a rele hard time with debt, depression and worse. trying to think of ways to help him. perhaps i am, i think im helping a bit but it doesnt feel like enough. no way near. i've helped with money to a v small extent. as much as i feel i can. am on benefits so obviously its not enough money-wise.
im envious of my brother travelling. basically him doing his own thing and having so much freedom. hes going to the states, canada and spain and other places i've prob forgotten. its not that hes going a long way. its the fact that hes not restricted by what he works as etc. not restricted by these so-called dx's i have.
i've nothing planned all week and im starting to get tired of it. the lack of plan. ive prob been here 2 months since the ex fiancee split up with me [not keeping track of time]. obviously i've well accepted that i won't be spending my life with them or indeed living with them. i'm with parents now.
im too old to be living with my parents. im 22 FGS. i lived for about 15 months in Belfast on my own but now im back to square one.
i was talking to mum about needing a life plan. talked about me studdying or working. but its all so vague. i put everything into helping the small amount of friends i have [having moved about in the last 3 years its hard to keep a "social circle" or whatever] but get v little in return.
someone mentioned about focussing on me cos no one else will. i focus on me when i have to. anything else would be self absorbed and selfish.
im bored and frustated at life. just doing nothing with it. wasted potential.
just a complete waste of life in my opinion. i am