When I think about the guys I've been with, they did like me, they did want to do it and there is no evidence in my mind I've done anything wrong. Nobody has ever mentioned I persuaded/pushed/forced them into doing things. But I have constant accusing thoughts and I'm worried it's all a delusion and really I've hurt these people but don't realise it because of the delusion.
This guy that hurt me was the first guy I ever went out with. He could have made all sorts of impressions on me and taught me all sorts of things were okay. I know what he did was wrong, and I would never intentionally do the same to someone else, but I feel guilty because somehow I feel like I've done it without realising, and my mind is hiding it all from me with delusions and selective hearing/memory.
I don't know how much sense this is making. I want to discuss this with my therapist but I don't really know what to say or where to start =\
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