Thanks for that.But i actually like talking to you and dong PMs with people and stuff.So i just find it frustrating when i cant.You are a good friend of mine and i feel i am letting you and others down.But my energy is so low right now.But helping people is very very important to me right now as for some reason it is one of the few things that actually helps me to feel good about myself right now!Dont get me wrong i dont only do it for that reason i do it because i care but it is something i can feel good about when ive done it and that happens really with me in life no matter what i do right now so its quite important to me at the moment.
Its odd you mention about closing the curtains while dancing madly!!i know you mentioned that as a joke and yeah thanks i will try to distract myself more.i try to do this anyway but struggle with this sometimes so perhaps need to try a bit more, a bit harder.
But i was gonna say is that its ironic you mention about the curtains.As i keep them closed most of the day most of the time and then only open them for bits of days when im feeling relatively ok.And this week when ive felt really bad theyve been closed all the time.They are often closed at times i feel bad day or night.i almost cant bear to open them anymore.i feel safer with them closed.i havent opened them at all this week.i also struggle with basic things like hygeine and getting ready for bed at times.im sorry you guys probably dont want to know this and im sure it will make you think bad of me.im sorry.This is wrong,inappropriate and will make you think bad of me more than understandably.i barely change my clothes for bed anymore and i often struggle to wash myself too.
My CPN knows these things and is supportive.
i am working on them but i just feel so so bad and i know those things im working at go up and down but are often getting worse rather than better right now.
It just seems there become more and more basic things i cannot do/am not managing to do.
i have lost my dignity.It makes me feel worse about myself.And im disgusting.
Disgusting cos i cant even look after myself.
That makes me disgusting.
Bad,disgusting.
Sorry this has kind of come out of nowhere.......
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