sex is a requirement...*triggering*
 

HOW DARE HE??????
Aaron.
that BASTARD!!!!
ok....Michael, my son's father who im still friends with came over a few days ago and helped me mow the lawn. my yard is huge and i only have a push mower. he offered to come over and help me. it was no big deal.

Aaron found out about this. keep in mind that Aaron and i are no longer together but he still was irate about it. i still talk to Aaron on occassion. but he has made it clear that in order to be friends with him sex IS required!!!!

im fuming. so angry. he knows my history. i dont really even like sex!!! how dare he???

so i basically told him that yes, i liked being around Michael because there was never any pressure to have sex. there never was. Michael was always very sensitive about my situation. yes, of course we had sex but it was comfortable to me because there was no pressure.

i can almost say that i hate Aaron. i want to hurt him. is that wrong?
he IS the one who got angry with me and told me to "go **** my father" those were his exact words. there is something majorly wrong with me. why do i still talk to him??? am i looking for punishment?? im realizing what a very very sick girl i am.

i dont know who im more angry with, myself or Aaron. he made me feel so cheap. and i still feel the effects from it all. those words echoing in my mind.

i just want one nice day. thats all.
and i just keep thinking about seeing Keith and how happy we will be for a few days. that is keeping me going. god help me when i leave him though.

see how i think??? im already worried about how im going to handle leaving and how Keith is going to handle it. i want my mind to SHUT OFF. NOW.

i repulse myself. i really do.
im so lonely.
no car....cant ever leave this house.
and even if i did...id panic.
i let him make me feel this way.
i didnt have to.
i chose to.
i want the pain and the punishment. call me crazy.
the longer i dont harm.....the more pain i let others inflict on me.
oh...what a success i am.

hun you said it, he's a class one bastard. why waste time and breath and feelings on him? he doesnt deserve it. can you call your telephone provider and get his number blocked? say he is being abusive? mand x

nothing ever gets better.
and im tempted to stop fighting.
im more than exhausted.
30 years.

Things will get better. Afterall you do get to go see Keith after all the time you have been apart. You get to go be with him for a bit and give him hugs and laugh with him. You don't have to think about leaving until you leave.
About Aaron...he seems to have said that out of PURE JEALOUSY. He wanted to get you upset because in his mind you made him upset. He seems like an ass and he wanted to see you upset. It isn't a great thing to do but sometimes people do it. My recommendation is that you don't let his comment bug you. YOU ARE WAY BETTER THEN HIM!!! Don't let someone who isn't worth anything control the way you feel. It means he still has "power" over you. You are a great person and if you want to hang out with your ex because sex is not required do it! Aaron isn't worth your time because sex is not tht answer to every relationship. You are so much better then him though. YOU CAN DO IT!

this made me so mad rach, you dont deserve to be treated like this! this reflects him not you, he's a ****, you deserve better. omg im livid! please try to not let him get to you, he's trying to provoke a reaction. stay safe *huge hugs*
xxxlily

thank you everyone.
*snuggly cuddles for all*
xxxxxxxx

SEX IS NEVER A REQUIREMENT IN ANYTHING.

when will men learn.
boys sucks.