cheap euphoria
 

since about 16 i've been dabbling in and out with drugs.

16 it was psychedelics and pot or anything i could get my hands on. left me with a cannabis psychosis, and some unspecified disassociative disorder and possibly PTSD/bipolar II, i also started to slowly SI. by then no personality disorder could be diagnosed, i didn't seek help for any of it. instead i locked myself away in my room for about 9 months too scared to leave my room.

17 - was nothing, half the year was spent alone in my room or with my few friends drinking, did some ketamine. nothing serious.

18 - the prior year i found psycheatrick help and was on prozac/zyprexa/clonazepam. started abusing DXM then ecstasy. so many horrible nights of spilling out my secrets to strangers online, i still was housebound. by the end i was taking dexedrine and codeine. induced another nervous breakdown. my SI was outta control in december.

19 - i began banging coke. not one binge i ever was fun or even worth causing long term damange. crack also. tons of benzos. some pot. even injected lsd. tried to find help but found no way out. lost all my friends, terrible terrble year 2008 was. i stopped in sept but then it was too late, i was manic and obsessed with someone.

now i've slowed down, but it still lingers, to shoot coke, or find smack, oxy anything i can put in a rig for 5 hours of not caring about issues or myself. i still SI badly. just yesterday i read about a homemade prep to inject valium and did that, got a horrible abscess when i missed and had to slice it open so i could hold my arm out straight. but what i abuse now is CPM, benzos, caffeine and i chain smoke. alcohol comes and goes. when high on all of em at once i do things like calling people who used to harass me and harass them back. i act belligerant, generally unstable.

i dunno how to find help that will benefit me and is sufficent. i feel that my problem isn't worthy of others from what i have read and seen so far.

any insight or suggestions?

I think if you are serious about this, you need to make arangements to spend at least a month in Rehab, and before that, a week in a hospital to detox. Then 6 months in sober living so you can learn how to deal with your emotions without drugs and drink and self injury.

This may sound harsh, but the mix of what you are doing scares me.

hm. yeah it does seem urgent. or at least i make it out to be.

what steps would i need to take. or is it something to dive in headfirst?

thanks

Start looking up both kinds of places so you can get things lined up! Make phone calls etc...

btw, i'm an alcoholic in recovery

I think rehab and some serious therapy are needed. It sounds as if it's more the feeling of being high or intoxicated you're addicted to, as opposed to a specific drug. I also think breaking the ties with people who you associate with drugs is a good idea, even if it means losing some friends- if you're out of control with drugs and they're doing it too, those people aren't good for you. Also deleting your dealers from your phone, avoiding pharmacies you may go to. Just cut them off. You need people who will be supportive, not ones who will tempt you, or try to lure you back. Contacting your doctor may be a good place to start to find out treatment plans.

i agree with the above advice
how would you inject valium ??thats not a question u eded up with an abcess thats very dangerous
when u were taking e u werent socialising i take it ??thats not good its meant for being around ppl and that.you are creating a very harmful envoinment for your self if you are doing drugs on ur own
i know im no example by my threads im just trying to help
dont know about rehab but some help would be a good idea it sounds like it coulkd help you

I can't say much, other than that I relate. I hope all the best for you.

i hate to say this again. i tried for the kingdom if i can. and nearly died. had me think over how to abuse these stupid pills.

like it'd be so much easier if someone offered me a joint.

I can't offer a joint. I can offer a listening ear.

good enough. thx

Hey!
I just wanted to say, your problems are indeed worthy of help and notice. It's a great step you're taking to try and find yourself some help. Sure it will be hard but you deserve to take your life back from drugs. I can't offer much more advice than what has already been said as I don't have much experience in this area but I would say make sure you get some focused treatment for any mental health problems you have because of drugs. Good luck with finding treatment-I agree a GP would be the best place to start.
Take care.
Kiran
xx
PS Remember to check out the links and resources at the top of this forum as they could help you to find treatment. I think the SoberSources site has a lot of info including drug rehab centres in Canada.

found that down near the beach