Need support.
 

This is weird for me to post because I'm basically recovered. But some stuff that came up in the thread in Forum and Community questions has just really got to me. People were basically saying that even talking to somebody who has AN or BN makes them feel fat because they don't have the 'will power' to restrict or purge. I do understand that they feel that way because their eating disorder twists it around like that in their head, and it's not their fault. But I just feel so frustrated with the whole thing because it was so, so hard for me to stop purging. Like... they have no idea, they really don't. I wish I had never started purging.

And now I just feel like a crap person because apparently I make other people feel fat. And I've spent all day feeling depressed because of that stupid thread so I haven't done any revision and I have an exam in less than a week and I just want to cry.

I am a goddamn ugly, stupid failure.

I wish i had something useful to say that would make you feel better, but youv convinced yourself that your no good havent you...hmm....well it is not your fault that other people may feel fat or whatever around you. it isnt. do u think other anorexics or bulimics are bad for causing that in others? AM I BAD?????? mwhahaha perhaps but that is an entire other issue :p

You are not a goddam ugly stupid failure. Because 1. i dont even know what goddam actually adds to a sentance so ill start with 2. you aint ugly. im trying to recall if ive ever seen a picture of you but i dont think i have, so i cant say O IVE SEEN U AND UR BEAUTIFUL but i can make an educated guess that your not cos your a ryl member and all ryl member are hot. 3. your not stupid cos your a student (or poss a grad, im unsure...dont kno u tht well sorryyyy!) and all students are brainy ya? :p 4. not a failure because ur here, a student so managed to get intouni, say ur basically recovered, thats a sucess too, you leave others very helpful messages, failures would fail to do that see???!

so as much as my post might be a pile of crap, it is meant to say...YOUR A GOOD PERSON AND KEEP BATTLING ON OK??? xxx

that thread got me a bit down too... not for exactly the same reason, but still...

you're not bad, and I'm sure that you're not ugly. I think that thread just got particularity headed and people were not expressing theirselves properly as they were frustrated...

You're not the only one that's been offended/upset by that thread. I think it's just because it's such an emotional topic, it's easy to let your emotions carry you away.

You're also not the only one stressed about uni work. I have a presentation tomorrow, which I am dreading so much. I'm trying to do work in small, manageable chunks, and focus on one thing at once, because it is easy to think of your work in terms of a huge, impossible mountain of stuff to do. For this presentation, for example, I did a lot of reading on Sunday night, wrote some notes yesterday, and I'm in the process of writing what I'm actually going to say tonight. I'll have 3 hours tomorrow to practice and fine-tune it - so even though last weekend I was thinking that I would never get it done and I would fail, and blowing it all up out of proportion, I am managing to get it done.

x

*hugs* I ended up putting all those threads on ignore after reading..... you aren't the only one that got upset.

sarah, you are NOT any of those things.
you're gorg, smart and not a failure
i mean, fighting/stopping purging is amazing
i heart you <3
havent talked in ages, but pm if you want

x

Sarah it's been forever!
You are a brave strong fighter who seems to be doing fabulously.

That thread is one which aroused a lot of emotions in people and whilst I'm sure some of it was personal a lot of it wasn't aimed at anyone in particular and as hard as it is to separate yourself it is worth aiming for.

Keep congratulating yourself and good luck with your exam

xox

Thanks you guys *hugs*

I did purge once yesterday... but I'm not going to do it again. It doesn't make me feel better, it just made me feel even worse. My depression has gotten out of control again, I think that's the real problem. When I start wanting to b/p or restrict it's always a sign that things are really bad. But I met with a new psychiatrist yesterday and he is going to change my medication. So hopefully that will help.

I love you all. Keep fighting, you guys. Recovery is not easy, but it's so worth it.

Sarah, you are NOT ugly!!!! You are beautiful. I admire you a lot hun, stay strong and I'm always here if you'd like to talk.

Jess x

I'm not thinking straight right now but Sarah you are not ugly or useless or any of those things. You're beautiful and the fact you managed to beat your eating disorder shows just how amazing and strong you are.
I hope the medication change helps <3

Sarah you are none of those things, you are a caring and compassionate person, I know we've not spoken much but I've seen you around and you seem like such a strong person, who's beaten this before and can do so again. I hope that the medication change helps, please take care *hugs* xx