20 ways to taunt a telemarketer
 

ok so there is another thread on how much everyone hates spam phonecalls.. i read this a while ago and thought you would all apprceiate it.. =] made me giggle anyways

1. Use a husky, dirty phone sex voice but ask normal questions about the proposed offer.
“Is it a low interest rate? mmmmm…I like low interest rates…really low…”

2. In an outrageously excited tone: “Thank god you called!!!” Explain that an online psychic told you that your future lover would randomly call disguised as an asshole.

3. Say you are hard of hearing and see how loud they will shout into the phone.

4. Allow the telemarketer to fully explain his offer. When he is finished explain that his company hired you to randomly spot check telemarketers on their performance. Tell him that he did a good job overall, but that he is a bit monotone and needs to fluctuate his tone of voice more to sound convincing. He also should pause longer between sentences, and more clearly pronounce the letter “s”. Tell him you won’t report him if he repeats his speech to you with the appropriate corrections. Repeat.

5. Be incredibly polite as they explain their offer, but make farting noises once in a while and ask whether there is something wrong with the connection.

6. In an annoyed tone cut the telemarketer off mid sentence : “Dan, stop screwing around…we have to get rid of this body fast, did you find a chainsaw or not?”

7. “Congratulations! You’re the 100th caller on the (insert local radio station) Sweet Vacation Giveaway Blast Marathon. You’ve just won a pair of tickets to Negril, Jamaica and the use of Sean Paul’s celebrity vacation house.” Take down her address and send her all of your L.L.Bean catalogues for the rest of your life...after you use them as liner for your cat’s litter box.

8. Flirt.

9. Keep repeating, “I knew you were going to say that…”

10. Stutter on a syllable of an obvious word in a sentence… see how long it takes before he completes the phrase. When he does, get upset, and say “That really hurts my fee…fee… fee… fee…feel…fee… fee… fee…” ad infinitum.

11. Pee on the phone while he’s talking.

12. Mid pitch, stop him and complement him on his wonderful voice. Explain that you are a voiceover scout and might have a breakthrough commercial job for him. Ask if he wouldn’t mind doing a quick test. Ask him to say in a deep husky voice “May cause dizziness, diarrhea, vomiting and shortness of breath. A small number of participants in a recent clinical trial experienced weight loss, irregular clotting, abnormally frequent and/or painful urination and hair loss. Results may vary”

13. Ask how much it would take to get him to stop working as a telemarketer. Start at $1000. Say you are dead serious.

14. Ask if he will be your friend if you sign up.

15. Tie obscure facts about Barbara Streisand to everything thing he says,, “2.3% interest rate? oh my…did you know Barbara was 23 when she filmed Funny Girl…”

16. Every few minutes repeat, “You’re going to have to bear with me, I have a slight short term memory loss problem…who is this again?”

17. “Oh my god, I used to have your job…does Bob still work there (repeat names until you find a match)…which building are you in?” Escalate coincidence until you both realize that you sat in the same chair. Explain that you had to quit work when your genitals mysteriously vanished.

18. Regardless of the offer tell him you’ll take 7. If he asks what you mean say he drives a hard bargain and you’ll take 9, but that’s as far as you’ll go.

19. Every half-minute ask him to hold and pretend to scream at your invalid mother. “You want to use the bathroom??? Well stop whining and get up out of the wheelchair for a change. You just sit there and think about that for a while, mother. Can’t you see I’m on the damn phone?”

20. Forgive him. Tell him you did. Over and over again, until he hangs up. Then secretly take it back.

omg. that's damn hilarious! One day I'm going to try some.

haha this was great :-)

haaaaaaahahaha!

you should try and sell a telesales person something too.

Im so totally gonna do that the next time the roof insulation man calls...they've not done one for this month so we're due a call any day now >.>

That's great, gonna use some of them if I get the chance! :D

haha i like it. totally going to use them

I am sitting in class I am sure they are wondering what I am cracking up laughing at right now. Thanks for posting it was super funny!

bwahahaha. classic.

As a member of the official fan club, it's BARBRA Streisand.

¬_¬

I shall use all except number 11. XD Those are funny.
Tom Mabe is the best messing with telemarketers.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=un_PjRXV5l8"]YouTube - Tom Mabe funny phone call[/ame]

Those are so brilliant, I'm gonna start putting my phone number on lists just so I can get calls to do this on!!!! *giggles*

Actually made me lol! We used to put my cat on the phone and let them talk at him for a bit. My brother used to pretend to be my dad to see how long it would be till they clocked on. Fun with telemarketers.

My dad once kept a call centre person on the phone for almost an hour, asking the right questions and pretending he was interested, wondering what payments options there were, wether there were any products that work well with it, all that type of stuff. The guy on the other end of the phone hung up when my dad said 'I think there might be a slight problem...Can you build conservatories on upstairs flats?'

Which was only slightly amusing at the time.

Made me smile. Some made me laugh.

Lol that was funny :)

I've worked in a call centre a couple of times (I was young, I needed the money). I know how hard it is to be on the other side of the phone line and receive nothing but abuse all day for minimum wage as you desperately try and make one sale. You have targets to meet after all.
Doesn't stop them being annoying when they DO call. It just means that I hang up instead of swear at them.

We get telemarketers all the time.
I shall try these out!

did anyone use more creative ways to show you're annoying them?

There was one guy who led me on into thinking that the sales patter was working. Until it came to taking his details then he was like "address, yep. that's 1 Aslan street in Narnia"

And there was another person (a guy, it was mostly men that played the jokes) who answered the phone in perfect English and as soon as he figured I was trying to sell him a kitchen he put on one of those false Indian accent like Apu in the simpsons "Yes, no. No english. No English. Yes. No." Any time I made a noise that's all I said.