RYL Forums - life and death

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- - life and death (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=9488)

When someone you know dies, it can feel like the worst feeling in the world.
When I was really young, I use to worry lots and lots about silly little things, if I had a headache I use to think I had a brain tumour, if I felt dizzy or weak, I thought I had cancer, I even remember looking out of my class room window in primary school, I was looking at the sky, there was a cloud in the sky, and it worried me sick, I fort something bad would happen. How silly does that sound? I only recently found out about other people who have felt like this in their past. when I use to feel like something was wrong, I use to get really scared, I use to think I was going to die, then when I found out a little later on, that there was nothing wrong with me, the relief felt so good, until one day I felt really scared, my gut was churning, I fort I had something wrong with me, I realised it was nothing, I began to feel so much better, until I realised and began also to think that one day I would eventually die no matter what, then the relief of being ok went away, and I lived my life in fear of death. I grew out of this slowly; other worse problems hit my life. I have strong beliefs about death; I am not going to go into them now. My councillor told me he thinks death is a lot more real for me than what it is for most people, he says this is because so many people have died in my life, I added up 11 funerals in the last 10 years. a couple of years ago a lady I knew dropped dead at the age of 42, this affected me so much, not just in terms of being upset and shocked, but it made me feel and really think about death, I got so scared, and I did not want to go to sleep in case I did not wake up, it took me 2 months to get it off my mind. just the other week a friend of mine died, aged 35, so young, there was nothing wrong with him, he was fit healthy and just like you and I, he just died for no reason, they called it natural courses, don’t sound natural to me at 35. death affects me so much, to think one min we are here, the next gone, no warnings or signs, since my friend died, my life has been hell, I keep expecting to just die, so much in fact I’m so scared I cry, then I think about all my family, how much it would kill me if it happened to my close family. Is it normal to be this scared, are there councillors I can see to help me feel better, in this kind of situation. Could I just drop dead for no reason?.
I lost my nana early to cancer
I lost my grandad to murder
i lost my other grandma to cancer early
one grandad is alive still
i lost one grandad to old age late 80s
I lost one grandma to old age, in early 70s
I lost uncle bob
aunti ruth
and my great nana
and 3 people that i knew have just died for no reason,
I think that list has messed me up badly.

What you've gone through, losing all of those people, must have been really hard. I can't even begin to imagine how that must feel like.
I just wanted to let you know that I care.

I also voted not bothered about death on the poll as I assumed that was about me dying? Not other people? I'm not scared of dying, I get a bit worried all the time about others though.

Take care
xx

If it was me dying then I'd have an extra option on there as "welcome it", but for my family I worry alot. have little rituals and habits to make them safe, takes up alot of my time.

Hope you're okay sweet. So sorry you've experienced so much loss, here if you need to talk xx

Heh, yeah I'd like a "welcome it" option for me too.

I'm not really scared of me dying, but I'm absolutely terrified of my family and dog dying. It scares me so, so much - you're not alone. Losing those people close to you must have been hard.

It doesn't sound silly at all - you just sound human. I'm here if you need to talk. Stay safe. xo

I wouldnt want to hurt my family, we all have our relli big probs in life, i like most others have as well, but i still love life, and i have a very vivid idea about death, also im shitting it about dying

No wonder you're so worried about death having been surrounded by so much of it. I worry about death a little, I especially worry about the death of my family. My mum is already dead and my Dad could die any day. I'm also scared about my own death, the process of dying terrifies me.

I'm here if you ever need anything. Take care. xxx

I know how that goes tyler. I am 17 and I just lost another friend adding to my already long list and I have one who is about to die of brain cancer (he is also 17) and another that just got shipped out to boot camp and will be going to Iraq in about 10 weeks...

Gram - died of old age at 95
Joe - died of old age at 90
Grandpa Fanning - died of smoking
Mrs Gregg (first grade teacher) - blood clot at 42
Mrs George (elementry school music teacher) - died of cancer
Grandpa Painter - died of Kidney failure
Chris - Drunk Driving
Cody - suicide
Kalena - horseback riding
Kaley - Car wreck
Elesha - Drowning
Linda - cancer

I'm so sorry you've lost so many people.

Up until a few months ago i wasn't scared of death. I've lost elderly relatives and except that Death is what happens when you get old. A few months ago a friend was murdered. She was only 16 and now i'm scared of death. Life seems so delicate and i'm scared of other friends dying. Since she died i've heard about a boy i went to primary school with dying with and an old friends baby son dying.

It just seems so unfair.

I lost four friends in 2006. All separate incidents. And yes, it is unfair. They were all under 25, all had their lives ahead of them, but now they're dead and gone, buried somewhere that I can't visit.

I personally am terrified of what comes after death, although it does seem preferable to living. But I'm not scared of dying (I still take risks that may kill me).

I'm sorry it's troubling you Tyler, I can't imagine what it's like to lose so many people, but your fear is one normal response to that. If you want help a counselor is a fine idea. I'm not sure but it sounds like a phobia.

I haven't experienced a death of someone close to me except an uncle. I never saw him much (he lived on the opposite side of my country) but he was the only family member that was genuinely kind to me and that I got along with. I bet he'd understand problems I'm having now. All I can say is it's it's so unfair when people close to you have to die. Other family have died too but I'm more sad that I didn't know them well.

I think about death a lot. Regarding myself, death looks more like an escape than something I fear. I never worry about others' deaths if their lives aren't in certain danger. I sometimes worry about my best friend; knowing about his depression and other problems I suspect he's suicidal sometimes.

I welcome death, whatever's waiting me (Or nothing) on the other side, it's got to be better then what i've got now.

But i care so much if any family/friends were to die.

Hugs you,
Its a normal response to be scared of death we see it around us all the time. Especially hard when those close to us die or are at risk of dying.
Or even to us. Youve been around it so much you are bound to worry about those close to you and yourself.

please keep posting and recieving support here

Everyone has their own feelings about death too, i personally dont really fear death ive wanted it, in fact ive wished for it, alot, and dont worry about whats out there when i die. Im going to die one day when i least expect it. So its gonna happen,
It cant be any worse than the stuff ive been through here in this life.
I care so very much about other people tho, my family,people here at ryl, but not myself.

I respect other peoples beliefs and fears its a very individual experience.

look after yourself and allow ryl to support you

Dave

I'm not scared of me dying, and sick as it is, other people and my pets dying doesn't bother me really...

And yes, multiple relatives and people I knew have died.