i cant do this anymore
 

i dont know how to go on anymore, how do i keep fighting this day after day, i dont have the energy to fight my head anymore x

I wish I had the answers for you Holly. Is there anything in particular that has triggered this? Maybe you are just exhausted and if you can find time to treat yourself/relax and have a good night's sleep, it won't seem so hard in the morning? I'm not trying to patronise you, it's just that I find things are magnified when I am tired or have had a difficult day at work, etc.

everything is wrong, i hate being so unhappy and i hate how much i burden my friends with all my problems,
i am tired but that is nothing unusual! i have struggled with life for at least 12yrs but for the last 18/19months i have constantly felt **** and i dont have the energy anymore to deal with it. i talked it out with my manager today which helped but all i keep being told from anyone is that im so much better than last year! but i am still struggling with life and i hate it!

I understand how frustrating it can be b/c I keep being told how much better my sh etc is since last year. Just b/c I'm not disturbing the medics as much doesn't mean I am feeling any better. I'm not even eligible for therapy. I too, have been struggling a long time - am 27 now.

I don't have any answers but am listening hun.

i know how u feel
i feel the same way
but no one said it was goin to be easy they just said it would be worth it
x x x
stay strong

thanks

yeh im 25 so its getting to the point that i really want to be happy cos i so want to have a family and at the mo i just feel like i am being left behind.

i see a psych weekly for CAT therapy, i am working so hard to try and be happy but has it go me anwhere?.........nope :(

How far along in the therapy are you? I think you only started recently, didn't you? It is renowned for being difficult to start with b/c it rakes up all those difficult emotions and memories, etc. It is going to take more work hun but will be so worth it. Just think, you could be free of the sh etc before you get to my age and then you have your whole life ahead of you. I'm not even allowed the therapy :angry: . You are doing so well.

ive had 9 out of the 16.

That's still 7 to go - that's alot. Didn't you say tht psychotherapy would be an option if you needed extra help after the CAT?

blimey you have a good memory. yeh they did say that at the assessment but hasnt been mentioned since. they also said that CAT could be up to 24 sessions but that hasnt been said either. just that i would have 16 appts.
my manager really wants me to chase up cmht aswell cos i contacted them a good 3-4wks ago and they said i had been reassigned to someone(my previous 2 care coordinators had left) and they would be in contact asap but still nothing and also wants me to book a dr's appt cos i still havent plucked up the courage to book an appt with them.
i want someone to hold my hand cos its scary! might see if my manager is around next wk so we can book the appts together cos i just chickenn out when im on my own.

sorry i should shut up

You should definitely NOT shut up. Keep posting hun!

So, to look at this positively, you have 7 sessions of CAT left definitely, with the possibility of 8 more after that and even psychotherapy. You've got loads of options left and they probably won't look re continuing etc until later - towards the end of the current course. You should try and concentrate on making the most out of the sessions you have as you never know how the next 7 will go, it may turn out to be enough and it may not but either way there are other options.

Please try and maybe call your cmht tomorrow and then your new dr the day after - one big challenge for each of the next 2 days. If not, maybe as you say, you could do it next week when your manager is around. It will be worth it to get that extra support you need.

As I said above, please keep posting, it helps to get these worries out of your head and they seem less scary when out in the open.

thank you so much for listening, you are being amazing!!!

i have text lynn, my manager and asked if on wednesday(when we have a training day) if she can help me phone them.
i have to do an extra clinic tomorrow afternoon which i stupidly agreed to do and now all i cna think is that i have to survive the whole day with no chance of escaping if i am losing it, but lynn has given me a break in the middle so icant really complain about doing 5 extra patients but it is 5 that i dont want to do.and i have to work on friday too and i havent done that in 8wks (we work 9day fortnights, so one wk i do mon-thu, then mon-fri the next) but with bank holidays and the day annual leave i havent had to do it, so its another thing that i have to get over. aarrrrggggghhhhhhhh!

*huggles*
im sorry you are struggling right now m'dear, and sorry i havent been around this evening to moan at!
i hope your feeling a bit better, and text me anytime cuz im not at school atm so i should be reachable!
i wish i could magic it all better for you!
*more hugs*
xxxx

Sorry, have been sociable with my housemate the past couple of hours and now slightly drunk so will return to this in the morning. In the meantime, please take care and have a restful night.

*hugs*

Hang in there sweetie.
Thinking of you.

*cuddles holly*

Take care of urself there! hoep things get better for u..am thinking about u xx

Hey dude, sorry you're feeling so crappy. I totally understand the way you feel, it's so frustrating. This sh*t just takes over your life and it's hard to see yourself getting any better. You will though, I know it's tough and sometimes you feel like giving in. But just be stubborn - don't let the little f*cker win!

Hopefully the CAT therapy will work for you, and if it doesn't I'm sure they wont just forget about you! There's bound to be other things that you can try. I would definately chase up the CMHT too, pester them like mad! And if you can, just bite the bullet and make an appointment to see your new GP. I'm sure she'll be really nice, and your old GP has forwarded your notes to her so that should make things easier. And you never know, she might be able to suggest some other things that might help.

Just try and hang on to every, or any good day that you have. That kinda gives me the motivation to keep fighting. Try and get out and do something, even if you don't really feel like it because sometimes a distraction or a bit of exercise can make you feel a little better. And as for work, just think of the money! Nah, you should be chuffed with yourself that you are managing to go, even if it is a struggle some days.

Ok, time to stop moidering now! Hope you're feeling a little better chick. Keep your chin up dude!

Cx

thanks guys it means alot how much support you have given me.

felt like **** this morning, mainly cos my eyes hurt so much but the day gradually got better and i feel kinda ok tonight esp as the tesco man has delivered my shopping and i have sweeties to eat :) YAY!

love to you all xxx