RYL Forums - My mind is falling apart

Hi all,

I just joined this community and I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this. But anyway...

I've been depressed, on and off, for as long as I can remember. I was around 12 years old when I first started feeling sad, and I just lived with it for a long time. About 2 years ago, I lost a good job because of a huge screw-up on my part, I got dumped by a beautiful girl (she was a model, and (surprise!) a complete narcissist), lost a ton of money trying to support myself, and ended up having to move back in with my parents. Ever since then (this was mid-2006) I've experienced debilitating bouts of depression, panic attacks, and general anxiety unlike anything I've ever experienced before. I've tried multiple medications, with virtually no results. My doctor gave me a bottle of Xanax for really bad days, but not even that seems to work anymore. I started smoking a lot of weed to take the edge off, but that habit is starting to hurt me far more than it helps.

I don't know what I'm trying to get out of this. I'm just desperately afraid of my life always being like this, no matter where I go or what I do I'll always be right on the edge of my next near-suicidal breakdown. I'm painfully lonely, confused, and frustrated.

This is the first time I've ever talked about any of this (to anybody other than my cat, anyway). I'm pretty lost, and I don't even know where to start looking for help. If anybody could point me towards some good resourses, or maybe even a good doctor (psych, MD, anything) in the Las Vegas/Henderson area, I'd be greatly appreciative.

Thanks for letting me vent a little...