.....
 

I won't go into detail, really, as it seems all completely pointless.


A few things need to be finalised, but right now i could do with some support. I'm getting by with SI'ing, but due to lack of sleep my mind is constantly busy, and i can barely function properly.
So just some support/hugs/whatever would be very much appreciated.

Thankyou x

P.S. No, there is no one available to support me.

Edited - Please show Laura some support. She's feeling rather suicidal at the moment, and all the kind words people could give would be greatly appreciated. x

Has something happened Laura to make you feel like this?

Been going on for a while but when i was pretty much refused any help i asked for that finalised everything for me, i asked for the help for everyone else (family/friends) not for me, but my point was proven.

Doesn't matter. Thanks for asking anyway Jane.

Laura, how did your appt with your new psych and Gemma go? Did they have any suggestions?

I care about you hun, I really do!

*hugs*

I'm sorry things are difficult for you right now, sweet.
*sendings lots of hugs* xo.

*big squishes*

Please please, Laura, keeping fighting this. Please don't give up now.

Roughly around a week and a half to go.
I keep thinking of the morning when i leave this house, when my parents will be out at work, and that it'll be my walk of "death". Very strange feeling, but a very contented one.

Struggling to sleep at the moment, but laying in bed is all the energy i seem to have. I just wish my head wasn't so busy - that's the part i hate the most, along with the exhaustion.

Thankyou for your words of encouragement. I appreciate it.

Plans, Plans, Plans.

Vowed last year never to make plans again, but all i can think about is when i can leave the house to do it, how i'm going to do it, putting everything into place.

No day is set, which i'm happy with, i'll go with the flow, although i have a few days in mind.

It's mad to think it will all be over soon. Ah. RELIEF.

This makes me very sad indeed :(

I really hope you change your mind. It's not too late.

Laura, sent you a pm earlier. You are worth more than this and as awful as it is right now, you are worth trying again for. I have given you examples of how your team should be helping you now and hope you can discuss these with Gemma.
*hugs*

Laura, please hang on in there.

I don't have much to say, but it's sad to see someone in such a state.
I know it's hard to think straight, but suicide's permanent.

xx

Please, change your mind, reach out, tell someone because it's not too late. Please don't let it end like this Laura, please. You can get through this.

That's exactly what i want to accomplish. Something permanent.

Dr.Newson knows that i'm getting out of here as soon as i can. He'll probably inform Gemma (CPN)/mental health services but Gemma already knows and i'm thankful that they aren't going to do anything and are willing to leave me to my own devices. It's what i want.

I cancelled seeing Gemma today and text her to tell her not to bother next week either as i won't be here.

I find it calming thinking about everything.

I'm sorry i'm letting you all down but i do appreciate your support. I won't be changing my mind - it's probably best i don't talk on this thread anymore incase i break more rules or upset someone when it isn't my intention to do either.

Sorry for upsetting you all.
Laura x

Laura, it does hurt me to hear you're stating you won't be here next week but that's because I care. Not only do I care but I know this shit you're going through now is not going to be forever; things change, times change emotions and people and situations, they all change, and they can change for you & get better. You can experience happiness, and that's what you deserve, it makes me sad to think you're going to throw all of that away.

Please, reconsider Laura. Tell Gemma what is really going on; let them in and let them help you get through this. You're such a wonderful person & you're beautiful, you so are, I don't want this to end now, not like this.

Aimee - i know you care, and i truely value your friendship, and no doubt you are right that given time things will somewhat improve and the emotions/feelings won't be so intense. But it isn't that. It's the fact i don't wish to be here - i don't wish to recover, i don't wish to have a future, a job, a career, a family, i don't wish to travel and i don't wish to live. It's been like that for years but its taken me this long to truely do something about it. I can't turn this opportunity down now, not after everything.

Gemma doesn't care - she knows indepth of what i'm planning on doing but she is leaving me to my own devices, as are the services and my GP. And i'm completely happy with this. Even if i wanted help i could bet money on the fact they wouldn't give it to me!

Honestly - i understand you are concerned but please try to understand this is really what i want, really it is.

I've probably broken more rules. Sorry.
xx

Well I've been thinking about this nearly solidly for the past two days now.

Obviously, you've made your mind up but there's nothing to suggest that you cannot change your mind.

I think the reason this is upsetting me so much is not only because I have found myself thinking of you as a friend, and that the picture I saw of you was completely beautiful, and that you seem to understand me on a level that not everybody else does.

And also, I've felt the exact same way as you. It scared me because I can recognise that relief, that finalised feeling, all of that, I've been through it before too. But also that I obviously didn't succeed and now that I didn't, I am glad. You've seen my journal; I've got through the worst of it when at one time I was at that same relief as you. So, it makes me wonder what opportunities and happiness and general experiences you'll be throwing away. I know you say you don't care about them, that you don't want to be here, that this is what you really want, but I remain insistant that it's not going to be what you want always. There will be a time where this all passes, and then you can experience happiness & you'll sit back and be grateful for it all and excited about it.

That's what I want for you. And I've been thinking of you over the past two days and I know that even if you just read this and ignore it, I had to say it anyway. Because if you leave (die, as it were) and I didn't say what was really in my heart, I would not forgive myself. As it is if I you do go through this you'll break my heart in a way I can't express.

I really hope, pray, believe you'll get through this. Please, hear me for what I am saying and what I am not saying; for what is in my heart.

Love Aimee xx

Laura, I know I don't know you that well but you have been a wonderful help to me over the last few weeks and I am sorry I didn't realise how much you are suffering.

Please reconsider seeing a new psych and or/requesting a change of CPN.

Thinking of you x

Laura, I am bumping this to ensure you see Aimee's latest post in reply.

Thinking of you hun!

*hugs*

Laura, still thinking of you.

You ok? I'm worried about you!

*hugs*