GAD is killing me *triggery i guess*
 

Hi, i dont want to post in V2 cus im keeping on a positive tip over there for the moment so im posting in here.

I have GAD. Yeah so what? Well its ruining my life.

Today i woke up early and im anxiety ridden! I dont even know why. I have bills i need to sort out and i cant do it. I litterally cant do it. Its like theres a force field around them and i cant pick them up. Im gonna get more fines for late payments! Oh god!

Maybe i dont have GAD??? Maybe im just paranoid?? You would never know i have it unless you are close to me. I can be the most confident and assured person you have ever met!!!!

But its killing me. Its so tiring! I cant tell you how tired it makes me feel! My brain is constantly working out every possible outcome for even the most miniscule of things. I KNOW im not gonna die and i KNOW that there nothing "really" to worry bout but my brain just doesnt accept it! WHY???

I really dont understand. I really dont.

Ive smashed my face against the door. Meh. I scraped a cuttlary knife across the back of my hand. I stood and looked at the little knife for ten minutes. I didnt pick it up. Ive cried.

Its killing me. I have a permanent knot in my tummy. I have suicidal thoughts for the first time in 3 days. And im crying again.

I just dont understand. I really dont. Im trying really hard not to cut badly. Im jittery.

Meh sorry. Does anyone understand this?

*holds you tightly*
Im so sorry your feeling like this hu. You have done so well the last few days. Please try to avoid triggers. What about maybe going for a bath or somthing to distract you?
*hands you a big fluffy duvet*
Go hide under it with some nice films and a ibg bag of doritos!!
Works for me on occassions.
Its ok to cry hun. Let it all out. Much better than botteling it up
*hugs*

I love you.

I don't have many words right now, and I'm sorry about that. But you know I am ALWAYS here if you want to talk, or you want someone to take your mind off crap. I stand by my offer to talk to your Dad too.

xxx

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/gene...y_disorder.htm

i dont know if this will help or not, but you have nothing to gain by not looking at it so do it.

:]

xxx

http://www.ehow.com/how_13316_stop-worrying.html

even.

xxx

I actually feel like im going to die. Or at least I dont think i know what i feel. I cant stop my fet from twitching. Im going to hit again. I feel sick. My tummy is so tight. Im on the verge of tears. Litterally teetering on the verge!
I dont know what this is happening. Its like life just came at me at 5000 miles an hour! Its all too much. I dont think im ever going to cope again. And now while im writing im getting more panicy!

Im sucha **** up!

Breathe sweetheart.

xxx

And no, you are not a **** up.

Remember, chelsea is always right about things wot are to do with matthews.

Hah and im writing on V2 and chatting on msn as if im right as rain!

I know you would be, which is why I'm talking to you on here.

Tell me what I can do to help.

xxxxx

*hugs*

I don't have GAD, but I have SAD (Social) So I know a bit of what you are going through, and it sucks sucks suckity suck sucks. Just focus on the little things and block everything else out so you only have to deal with one thing at a time. Don't start thinking of the next thing until you have finished the first. And stay away from triggers, you're doing really well Matthew, you can keep it up.


AD

*Sniggers* Sorry still least i can laugh!

I keep crying for like 5 seconds and then it stops.
For 2 weeks i have sat and talked for hours to my brother bout him and his GF. Every day. He was even ringing me while i was away asking me all the time and telling me hes so miserable and depressed. I went out of my way to help him. Gave him some self help Cds, a funny book to read and talked and talked.

He just came in. Asked how i am. I told him i feel awful. He just looked and walked out. All i wanted was a "can i help". Selfish prick!

I hate this place!

Your brother has as much emotional intelligence in his whole body as you have in your pinky finger nail.

xxx

Addendum - Clippings from your pinky finger nail.


AD

xxx

Love. You.

And you are doing well, you're still talking to us, letting us know how you feel, and listening to what we have to say. Those are all signs to me that you are making an effort.


AD

Im just typing rubbish and making silly posts and msn convos like a mad thing. I should have cooked the dinner. I feel really guilty but i couldnt do it. Oh man.
This is really horrible, thank you xxxx

*hands you micromeals*
oooo cook a pot noodle!!
And im sorry but i agree that you are dong well!

ping pong ding dong la la la

Here if you ever want anything.

You are doing great, Matthew. *cuddles*

The "one thing at a time" approach sounds like a good idea.

*hugs*