im sorry everyone
 

im sorry everyone. i know i disapeared for awile there. i just didnt feel right posting here for awile. but i need this, even just to read, i cant leave here. its the only place ive ever found some sort of help, and ive realised ive learnt alot, even if no one knows why.

its my 16th birthday today...
just to think what i went through over the years...
and this is the first birthday i havent wanted to die! thats amazing.
its too late to be the first birthday i dont get a vision on, i actually had a full on sleeping nightmare this morning heh, first time in ages. i stopped dreaming reguarly a long time ago.
but still, so much has happened, even the past 6 months
its amazing...
and at the same time, ive no idea how to feel, i havent done this in a long time heh...

I hope your feeling better and hang on in there hun, your an amazing person :)

Happy birthday Emmy!

I'm glad you've gotten past not wanting to post here. You have every right to be here, and pretty much anywhere else for that matter.

Happy Birthday Emmy!!!!

Well done for getting past not posting...we're all glad you're back!

Amy XXX

*puts brithday crown on you* Happy Birthday sweetheart. *lots of hugs* Hop you're ok and you can smile. :) We'll have a little party for you next time some ppl are in the safe room.

*giggles* thankies guys

appart from discovering i actually do have a scar on my chest that i didnt realise, it went pretty well. i even wore a low cut top for the first time in ages hehe, and i wasnt scared. and i had to sit touching one of my male friends and i was completely uncomfortable, but i was able to do it! despite the bad start this morning, it worked out. i still dont know how i feel about being 16, as thats also legal age here in australia for sex and that sorta bugs me, plus being a year older... well only a few months ago i was dreading it. but still, ive realised alot recently, ive gone through alot and ive come out on the other side. ive been reflecting on what i can remember of my past lately, and while theres not alot i can remember from more than a couple of years back, even that shows how much ive changed over the years. theres hope, i see that now.

i also realised, i havent cut at all since she left, which was 2 months, one week ago. it seems like so much longer to be honest...
wow, two months where i havent wanted to commit suicide, two months where i havent even seriously wanted to cut. despite the hell things are becomming in other areas, in some ways its worth it just for this. ive wanted to die since i was 10, ive grown up with harm. its such a new feeling to be like this.
i guess im just reflecting. i might post something later. i should really start a journal instead of posting here and annoying you all, i know i post more than anyone, but knowing people read it and maybe care helps alot, and i dont think many people read the journals... hmm

ill look forward to my party tracie! though with the bad time zones and me now at college, it might be awile before that happens heh

Sorry that I'm late, but I just wanted to say Happy Birthday to the wonderful Emmy! =]
And sweetie - everything else you have said is incredible - you are so so strong. Your an inspiration =]

happy birthday hun =]
im glad youre feeling happier =D

happy birthday, hope you have lots of fun :)

Happy belated birthday :)

happy birthday for yesterday x

Aw Happy Birthday for yesterday. :)

I know I missed it. But, I hope you had a good birthday. I hope she doesn't come back. I'm glad you're back and posting here.

thank you everyone... really, thank you..

Right this is a bit late but oh well here it goes: -