Flinching when touched
 

When I was 16 I went out with a guy who attempted to rape me.
Because of the way he grabbed my lower back... now I always flinch when someone touches me there. Even when a friend or something puts their arm around my waist, I flinch, and I feel bad about it because I know its not their fault :-(
I thought I managed to overcome that somewhat, when my most recent ex touched my back, though there were still times when I flinched because I wasn't expecting him to touch me. We're not together anymore, but we are still intimate and now I always flinch when he touches my lower back.

I even managed to get a tattoo there last year because I thought I was nearly over all of this but it feels like I'm going backwards now, and that I'll never get over it...

Does anyone know if this is normal, or ways to stop it?

It is normal to feel uncomfortable when something traumatic has happened. Therefore your body reacts by flinching. So yes, this is a very normal response sweetie.
The only ways of stopping it that I can think of is to feel totally relaxed. Do your ex and friends no what happened?
If you can remain relaxed then you should ask the person you are most comfortable with to sit down with you and practice the touching of your lower back. In the past it has clearly meant you are under threat and such, but if you can associate the touching of your lower back with nicer things you will slowly become more relaxed. You could try general hugging, tickling, massages? Anything that you might find pleasant could help. Don't let your past rule your future. :)
x

Yes, I had the same problem with being touched - but then my best friend (who's a really *touching* person) helped me get used to not flinching so much when being touched unexpectedly by giving me a lot of positive, non-sexual touch. Hugs and holding hands and cuddles when we were sitting on a counch watching a movie together - that kind of stuff. It's helped me be a bit more relaxed now that touch =/= going to be hurt.

It takes time, and trust. It's do-able though, not impossible to get through. Good luck.

I think its a natural reaction when you have been hurt or scared to not like something that reminds you of it!
Have you had any proffesional help with what happened? Sometimes when you haven't worked through a trauma like this properly it keeps coming back when you think you have moved on from it but that doesn't mean you can't move on with your life.
Take care of yourself
x

yea...sometimes when i would have " Insert word " i sometimes would just lay there ....and just fall into my mind where i feel is safe and i just lay there numb..dead and yea...


so its normal to flinch...or get flash backs or to even just leave your bodily senses aswell


and it takes time and lots of therapy....to over come this,...

i wish you the best of luck

I highly reccomend getting a massage. If you look on www.nctmb.com, you can find a highly qualified therapist who has experience with trauma survivours. I am a massage therapist, so this makes my opinion quite biased I guess, but I thought I would say something. If you want to pm me about it you can, I can probobly answer any questions you would have. Hope you are feeling ok today.

Like others have said hun, it's normal. You come to associate being hurt with certain things. With some people it's smells, others it's words, others (like you) it's touch. You need to remind yourself that whoever is touching your back now is someone that you're allowing to touch your back. Keep telling yourself that it's going to be ok, and that you're safe. Maybe make sure that when someone's touching your back that you can see them.... to help remind yourself that that person is safe.

Other than that, I think it's down to pracitce hunni. The more you try it, the more you'll get used to it. Does your ex know why you flinch when he touches your back?

Chrissy
xxx

Thank you for the replies.
Yes, he does know about what happened, though I'm not sure if he realises that the two are connected because I never went into that with him.

I have seen a psych, but I never found it to be that useful :/ They're quite expensive and I have medical bills which have to come first. Plus I feel silly asking my parents for money, like I'm overreacting about needing it.

I never even thought about massage therapy though, but I will definitely consider it.

Thanks again :)

I don't think you are overreacting about needing therapy. You obviously do need it because what happened has affected you and you need to deal with it in whichever way is best for you.
Take care
x

How did your ex react when you told him the basics? Maybe you could try and tell him a bit more? You seem to trust him, so maybe it would help?

As for psychs.... some help more than others. It all depends on their techniques and ideas... it's a known fact that some psychs are better for some people than others. I understand financing one could be hard for you atm.... but at least try not to write it off alltogether?

xxx

To be honest, things are up and down with my ex. I trust him one day but not the next. So I don't know.

Maybe I could see what I could do about the financing. It just occured to me that I can probably see a counsellor for free through work, so I'm going to look into it - before they announce more redundancies anyway :/

Thank you all for the help.
xx