What a fucking day, and it aint over yet.
 

Omg where do i start with this. Ok so this morning i got up to let Leo my dog out. But as i watched him walking down the garden i had the worst, strongest, horrable flashback ever. It was like i was there all over again i could see, hear and feel everything he had done to me over again. Then i freaked out big time and passed out. (I have a anixty disorder where somethings when i freak out i pass out.) I came to with leo licking my face. I just fall to bits crying and shacking couldn't more for a bit. I still aint really pulled myself together yet. Had 12 showers so far coz still feel so dirty but the showers have to be really cold or really hot so they hurt even end up cutting everytime i shower i don't know why. I hate myself for cutting i was doing so well with not cutting alot. But now in one day i more theni would in 4 weeks.

i thought the flashbacks and shit had stopped. And when they did come back they were mild. But shit this one was bad. Mums home from work soon so can't keephaving showers. WTF i going to do then. I don't wonna cut no more today. But still aint got myself together that well yet. still numb, tearfull and shackie but its getting better. I'm so weak i should be able to control this and myself better, i hate myself so f**king much it hurts right now.

donna huni!!! squishy first of all !!!
talk to me !!! i am here i'll come on msn rite now !!
we can talk about the mischief we are going to get up to when i am down yours !!!
ALSO please dont hate your self for what someone else has done ! you couldnt of stopped it ...
cuddle up with leo and let me beat ya at pools !!!
squishys love yas xxkate

*hugs*
I don't have any advice, but if you ever need to talk I'm here. Just pm me, really. I have anxiety, too.

flashbacks are awful things... but I promise you you'r not dirty...
maybe try drinking some iced water? that helps me when the showering wont...


http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...ad.php?t=77244 has a few useful tips for flashbacks, a few posts down there are a few for afterwards as well as during...

Hey hun,
I'm sorry to hear you're having really bad flashbacks. Is there someone you could talk to/ring? Do you have any professional support for your anxiety disorder and stuff? Take care, sweetie. xo.