i've been thinking.. what's the point?
 

I have been thinking a lot lately.. if i have to be fighting through this horrible depression.. just to find those few minutes or hours of happiness then what's the point? Most of my time is spent under this blanket of darkness and what's the point if there's only a little reward? Don't tell me things will get better. Cause we all know that's a lie. I can't live for those little moments anymore. This blanket needs to be pulled off my life or I am done. I can't just keep waiting for relief like this. It isn't going to come... i hope for the light every day but i only get let down time and time again. I'm drowning. I'm buried alive. And this pain is eating me away.. inside out. I've learned through all of this that i can't expect people to understand.. and with that has come this hard wall that i surround myself in. Some of my friends know.. but it's not like they understand. I should be in a hospital.. but then it would only be worse when i got out. My options are.. hmm.. nothing. Live with it.. or die. I'd rather die. I am a ticking time bomb, and no one can help me. I wish someone would just kill me themselves so I couldn't chicken out.

i no things seem unbearable right now, but you can do this you can get through this, even if it does not feel like it right now.

I no the pain feels unbearable i no what that pain is like, life is worth living it is not easy, i am not going to pretend it is and things won't get better straight away, but with the right help and with some time they will get better, i no thats probably not what you want to hear.

things may seem bad right now but think of all the good things in life you would be missing out on if you were not here, a sunny day in the park, having fun with friends, i no this probably sounded dumb but you can get through this. I am sorry u are feeling so bad right now hun.

feel free to pm me if u need to talk.

Hun, I'm sorry you're feeling like this. *HUGS*
Are you getting any professional support or help? xo.

once a week