really really dont wanna see my shrink
 

Wednesdays my next appointment with my psychologist. I dont want to go. Its making me sick thinking about it and its making me want to cut more. She doesnt listen to me. No one does. But my parents are making me go cause I "need help".
Like she gives a damn about whats going on in my life.

I can see it in her eyes. She thinks I'm just another stupid overreacting teenager. She even told me that I wasn't depressed just, "anxious".

How can she say I'm not depressed?

I can't talk to her. I just lie. Thats how it is. I know I can't trust her and I hate the disgust in her face when I said I cut or that I wanted to die.

And shes pretty expensive and my family doesnt have a lot of extra money right now, but they're paying for her for me. When I'm such an ungrateful little bitch. I dont want to think about any of this. I dont want to be grown up about any of it. Why can't I just curl up and not move.

*hugs*
Things sound really tough for you right now.
Could you maybe see someone else if you doni't think you can talk gto this person?
It can be really hard to open up but until you do she won't be able to know how to try help, could you write how you are feeling down and give it to her?
x

could you explain to your parents taht this particular person isn't helping, and suggest maybe you could see someone else? i think your parents are right that you need some support but if this person isn't providing it you need to consider looking elsewhere.

Hun, could you talk to your family about how you don't feel you can talk to her? Maybe they could let you see another one? xo.

ive already been to one before this. He didnt work either. I just want to get it over with. She doesnt think I need more then 6 or so sessions. If I can just deal with it enough for that long, then it'll be over. As long as it looks like I'm getting better it'll be okay.

I honestly dont believe she, or any of them can help me. What are they honestly going to do? The only people who actually understand self harm are those who have suffered from it.

I dont think i can handle this.

if you don't think you can handle this, you need some kind of extra help, and teh most constant way of egtting that is through therapy. but you do have to be patient and find the right person. if it's not working out with this one, there's no point pretending to get better, you make it harder for yourself to admit there's still something wrong in the future and it's a waste of time and money. i know you don't want to but it's best for everyone if you at least tell them it's not working out.

ugh i know. but i feel like im failing at it all. ughhhh

it's not failure on your part, it' s perfectly normal to take a while to find the right person, and the right form of therapy

you said the only people who understand self harm are the people who have suffered from it. group therapy can really help some people. when i did group therapy, there was much less focus on staff and a lot more on just the people sharing with each other and helping each other. it may be something to think about as an option, it sounds like individual work isn't working for you at the moment. xxx