So. Fed. Up. *Trig*
 

Someone please tell me, truthfully, that it's all gonna be okay, that I'm going to find my place in the world soon?

I don't fit in anywhere.. Not with my Adoptive Family when I lived with them, not where I live now, not when I was at school, not in college.. When and where will I EVER fit in?

I feel so down and depressed atm.. 2 nights in a row \i've been .. << that close to OD'ing. It's just not like me at all. I hate it when this happens, I really do.. And I just can't deal with any of it anymore.. I mean, I want to help people, I love helping people, but people at home are just.. They're not the sots of people I should be helping becasue they never let me know I've helped, they never thank me, or say anything to show that they've appreciated it and then they go and treat me like s**t the next time they see me..

Then there was seeing the guy that raped me a year ago, earlier on today in college.. Heh. Normally I'd drop my head and let him stare me down, but today I felt somewhat brave and empowered, so gave him his stare back. He looked away first and I laughed, because I was so chuffed that I'd finally stood up to him.. Just hate seeing him at least once a day, every day.. Having all those memories come flooding back. It's horrid. Got a letter from the police station a few weeks ago, telling me to go and collect my stuff from the rape a year ago, I was just like.. "You really think I WANT those clothes bakc?!" I'm letting them destroy them. I don't want to have that memory in my bedroom anymore.

I just wish that all this could stop :( when will everything stop going wrong? When will me inspiration for songs come back? When will I be "me" again? *sob* I'm so sick of this..

I'm so sorry hunny *huggles tight*
I really don't know what to say, but you WILL find a place soon...I don't know when, or where, but everyone has a place in the world. Stay strong lovey x x x x

Thank you.

I guess I just feel like no-one cares, like I'm unlovable and like.. Like everyone just feels they can take advantage of the fact that I care about others so much and love to help people..

I will let you know tomorrow how I am. For now, I need to get away from this place, or something's gonna go wrong. Don't worry, I'll be okay. Night everyone and hugs to all who need them :)

I can relate to what you're saying about not fitting in. I never fit in in school, in sixth form, in my job, in uni, in my family... I just feel like the freak wherever I go, that I'm completely singled out and alone. And while I'm still going through that feeling it IS getting better, so if things can improve for me, I can honestly say they probably will for you :)

It's a horrible feeling, being that low. But ODing isn't the answer. I'm glad you didn't, because as a rule, it only creates more problems than it solves. It's really frustrating when you try to help people and they don't even acknowledge it. Have you tried talking to your family- say you feel a little taken for granted? You don't help people just to be thanked, but it's only fair to get a little appriciation in return.

I think you were really brave to look this boy in the face. Being able to do that, instead of shy away, is a strong action. It sounds like you're stronger than you think you are. Even if the memories are always flooding back, you've still made a positive step.

Good luck with tonight, I hope you stay safe.

Hun,
Things will get better and you will find your place soon, keep fighting. Take care. xo.

I don't live with my adoptive family anymore.. They kicked me out after I caught them stealing my personal stuff from my bedroom. I was hit by them at least once everyday, shouted at numerous times, and sometimes not even allowed to go to school or college. They never accepted how taken fro granted I felt.

Where I live now is a foyer - the YMCA. There are 30 other people there, many who are still in contact with, and see, their parents. they may have issues too, but most to do with playing loud, angry music and partying almost every night, because they cba to get jobs or go to college.

I spoke to my key support worker this morning and she was quite sympathetic and helpful.. Today, i don't feel as heavy as I did yesterday. I just hope it stays that way. I will be seeing my tutor after college to get some help with all my college work, so that I don't drop out with only 6 weeks left.

Anyways, I have a singing lesson, so I'd better go. Will update later. Thanks for the replies, they're very much appreciated :)