Waiting for the crisis team
 

Went to my gp this afternoon, got an emergency appt and told her everything that was going on in my head, hearing the voice and what she was telling me to do.. wrote it all down for her because i knew id panic if i had to say it all out loud. Told her about the thoughts of self harm and stuff and wanting to die.. sorry about all this... well i just wanted some meds to numb it all, some i could like maybe take a handfull of and would let me sleep for a few days but she is making me see the crisis team! i dont like them and im scared they are going to lock me up in the hospital again i dont want that and im panicing.

im sorry for rambling all this nonsense but i really want to do something right now, i should never have talked to the doc should i should have just killed myself and there is still time, she is laughing at me, really loud in my head, she told me i shouldnt go and she was right, she says i need to listen to her now and punish myself for being bad and things will be ok, im so confused i dont know what to do

im sorry

i dont know what to do im sorry you must all hate me now im so stupid

Not at all, *huggles*
I'm not sure what advice I can give ):
But I am thinking of you, I know thats not much...
If you'd like to talk, you can PM me, but I'm not that good at giving advice ):
Take care? x x x

I think you did the right thing by going to see your GP, even if it doesn't seem that way to you right now. How long do you have to wait for the crisis team? I know you don't want to go back to hospital, but if you're feeling really unsafe, please take yourself to A&E.
Take care of yourself
xxx

Hun,
She isn't laughing you at you. She just wants to help you. If you scared, talk to the crisis team about how you're feeling. Please don't kill yourself. *HUGS* I'm sorryI don't have much advice. Take care, sweet. xo.

crisis team have gone, they were really useless they really didnt seem to care and it was obvious they didnt wana b there. basically they are going to call my cpn to tell her theyve seen me today.. even though they know full well that she is away for a month so what is the f*cking point i cant do this anymore. i tried to get help, from there suggestions it seems like they were saying that it was ok for me to cut myself aslong as i do it safely and that it will pass..

i dont even know why i bothered calling them i should have just done it. at least i know now that i should be dead and it definately is the right thing for me to do

im sorry ive wasted all your time you've been really kind im sorry

Please dont give up.i know its hard but please try not to.Can you go back to your doc and say that you didnt feel it went well with the crisis team and is there anything else they can offer?Also explain that your CPN is off for a month and im sure your GP would still feel you should be given support during this time especially if your feeling so bad and they may be able at least to arrange for someone to cover for her so youll have something while she is away?Please dont give up.im sorry your feeling so bad and i hope your safe.