he's getting to me
 

I'm sorry for posting this
he's getting to me again
he's arranged for us to meet up next week and said i can decide what we do though i know they'll be no choice
i froze when he spoke to me
i couldnt breathe
i could feel him although he wasnt near
i could feel his breath even though he was away
i know he will do it again but im to weak to stop it
im useless
im sorry

sweetheart you are not useless and there is no reason to be sorry.
can you not sever contact with him, if you are afraid he may hurt you.

the reaction you had to this is understandable *hugs*

he'll get me anyway
im sorry

can you get a restraining order?
do you live near each other?

im sorry
he lives near enough
he is out of work at the moment as well which is making him worse as he is bored
he said it'll make me better if he does it

*Hugs* Please don't feel sorry for posting, we are here to listen and try to support you as best as we can. I agree with the above poster that you should stop contact with this person, but by the sounds of it this is something that you are scared of doing. Is there someone that you trust that you can tell about this, so they can help keep you safe. You shouldn't have to live your life in fear like this. Take care
Kat xxx

i just to accept that he'll do it
might be less painful if i let him
im sorry

You don't have to let anyone do anything to you. Be strong hunny, no one deserves to feel used and abused like this. Look out for yourself xx

i'll be ok
im sorry for posting
im just useless

You are not useless!
You don't have to let him do this
You deserve better
What he is doing is wrong and you do not have to let him to do this.
Take care of yourself sweetie
xx

Maybe you could get a friend to ring you at a certain time so you can say you have to go and deal with something that's happened? That could get you out the situation for even just a day or two so we can think of more ways to help stop this. Do you think that's possible, honey?

You're not useless and you have no reason to be sorry for posting. We're listening to you and want to help and I understand how scary this must feel for you. You don't have to let anything happen that you don't want, you are worth so much more than that.

Do you think getting a friend to ring at the certain time could help, even though that friend might not know entirely the situation?

Look after you, sweetheart.

it wont help-ive got about a week till i see him
i cant get someone to ring me
im sorry
i am useless
ill be ok

im sorry
i cant get away from him
and cant get away from this numbness
keep having flashbacks and stopping myself breathing
im sorry

Have you spoken to someone you trust about this? Like a counsellor, parent, teacher, friend?? If not I think it would be a good idea, so they can help you be safe. We can be here to listen and offer advice but at the end of the day we can't do something about it only you can. You deserve better than this. You can and will get through this. Take care of yourself.
Kat xxx

i cant im sorry
im definitly seeing him next week its confirmed
ill be safer than before as he promised to use protection
im sorry
im useless

You don't have to do this sweetie but at the end of the day it is up to you. Only you can decide to stop this but what he is doing is wrong.
You are not useless please just think about it you desrve better than this
x

im sorry
its settled i cant bak out
i have to
im useless
im sorry

seeing him tomorrow
going to be weak anyway as doctors appointment first
i suck so bad
im sorry

*cuddles*
You don't 'suck'
And you don't have to do this what he is doing is wrong
You deserve better sweetie
xx

i do
i have to
i'll make him ill if i dont and i cant be blamed for that again
it wont be rape this time though at least thats something cos im consenting
im so sorry i shouldnt be complaining its my own fault now