My Past
 

ive lived thro alot, been thro alot, seen a friend commit sucide in front of me.....still haunts me to this day....i cant sleep cause of it.....i have nightmares everynight, most of them being a flashback of that night...others where im forced to watch those closest to me die....die by thier worst fears, forced to watch all those i lost...losing them again in my nightmares.....one attempted suicide by overdosing....other hung himself after i left his house...then of course theres the one that did commit suicide in front of my very eyes......at times i feel so weak cause i kno i shoudlve been able to notice things....that i couldve helped...but somehow i didnt, im so weak....so useless.....a thought that haunts my very being

All those experiences must have been so horrible for you, i can't imagine how hard seeing a friend comit suicide in front of you must have been.
But please remember, it is NOT your fault. If someone is completely determined to end their life then nothing anyone else does will stop them from doing it. You are not weak or useless, you have seen some horrible things that no one deserves to see.
I've recently lost a friend to suicide so i do understand how much it tears at you. I'm here if you want to talk and please take care.
xx

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It sounds like you could really use talking to a counsellor. Usually when somebody close to you dies, especially in such a traumatic circumstance as that, you're offered bereavement counselling, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. But it sounds to me like you really need to talk to somebody about this stuff. Not about the details of what happened, but about the feelings you're having and the nightmares and all of that stuff, because you might find it helps.

take care

*cuddles*
Im sorry you had to go through that sweetie but it is not your fault, people make their own decisions in life you cannot take responsibility for that.
If you go to your doctor they can get you some help, someone to talk to.
You don't have to deal with this on your own love
Take care
x

*Hugs* Im really sorry to hear about your friend committing suicide in front of you. I cant begin to imagine how awful that was for you and how its effected you in your everyday life. Have you ever had any proffessional support? I really think that you should consider getting some support? A death of a very close friend is an incredibly hard thing to go through not to mention everything else that you have been through.

It is not your fault that your friend ended there life in front of you, your friend is responsible not you. You deserve to get your life back and you will if you get the support you need. You are not weak and i know you feel that you could have done more but you really shouldnt be so hard on yourself. Dont beat yourself up, that will only make thing worse. Please keep safe, keep talking to us.

Take care best wishes Ian

im so sorry for your loss. also im so sorry you had to see this. honestly, its not your fault that this happened. losing friends must be so horrible, but its not your fault. please seek help for this. you need to talk to someone. about the nightmares and how you feel. i dont have anything to add to what others have said. again, im so sorry.

Hey,
I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Don't blame yourself for what they did though - it's not your fault. Could you talk to someone about the nightmares/flashbacks? Take care, sweetie. xo.