OMG what have I done???!!! *GRAPHIC & TRIGGERING*
 

Last night I decided to have a drink...ok, a few...to many.
I was feeling alright, I really was, I was gonna stop, I wasn't going to drink the whole pint and a half.
Then I got triggered, and I needed the rest of the alcohol. I can't explain it, I just needed it.
I drank the rest of it, and then I was fu*ked. because I had gone over my limit. I knew that once I hit this point it was gonna be all downhill from there.
I ended up getting my razor blade out and doing what I do best. The only problem is, is that when I woke up this morning and looked at it,

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Very graphic

the cut was gaping wide open, and I can (still) see fat tissue, and a vein also.

I can't believe that i did this. I know i could have used stitches, but i couldn't bring myself to go to the hospital...again.
I feel so bad for doing it but at the same time, it feels so good. It feels so good to sit there and stare at it. I know how disgusting that sounds but it's true.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't believe that I am liking what I am doing.
I'm so fu*ked up I know...:-(

~~SW~~

hun, im sorry that you did that. its ok though. you can use steri strips to hold the wound closed.. but use steri strips, or strips of tape will be just as good if you dont want to go get stitches. just keep it clean and let it air out.. promotes healing...

however, in the longer run, you may want to get some medical attention for your issues with alcohol.

good luck. stay strong and stay safe.

You should probably have someone look at it. Do you have a good friend who knows and would understand? It really should be a doctor though. I know it's hard, but you really need to take care of it. I'm sorry that happened. Please be careful! *HUGS*

Thank you guys. My BF knows first aid, so he helped me out with it.
I'm gonna keep it clean, see what happens, but if I show any signs of infection then it will be straight to the doctor I go.
I just don't wanna go in there unless I really have to because the looks I get in regards to the SI agitate me to no end.
I'm working on getting help for the SI and alcohol. I have an appointment tomorrow to set therapy up.

~~SW~~

Don't use alcohol on it, use an antibacterial cream. Alcohol kills the good cells trying to repair the damage. You REALLY need stitches in it but if you flatly refuse to do that at least use butterfly clips and a dressing firmly bandaged to your skin to keep it still. *hugs* hope the appointment goes well.

keep it clean sweetie
your not f*cked up
i know how this feels!!
always here xxx

I've been keeping it clean and I have made make do steri-strips outta gauze tape to keep it closed...hope it's ok because I really don't want an infection...

~~SW~~

Hun,
Please get the cut looked at and make sure it doesn't become infected.
You're not a f#cked up. I'd probably do the same thing. I'm not sure what else to say, but I hope you're alright. Take care. xo

Sorry that happened. Just keep making sure it's kept clean and move on from it. What's done is done.

hun don't worry i mess up like that too, But you did what you body learned what it was supost to do and you can teach your self that you don't need it. I have recently sliped up also but thats just part of getting better you have to fall a few times before you learn to walk alone...
you can message me any time
I'm always here to talk to if you want

<3 Rachel <3

*hugs*
im sorry to hear this happened to you.
but dont beat yourself up about it. you can fall as many times as you need because as long as you have the goal in mind
of recovery, you can get there :)
well done for getting help form your boyfriend, it sounds as thugh you guys have a really good relationship
<3
take care! and of course PM if you need
*hugs again*