3 months ago she left us all
 

So 3 months ago my bestest friend ever died, we had grown up together from about the age of 3.

It's been really hard and no matter what people keep telling me i still can't get the thought out of my head of if i hadn't hit her would she still be here today.

Due to this happening i have very much been me and no-one eles has been able to get in or out which i feel really bad about as people would love the kerri that was instead of the kerri that now is.

After she pasted away so many things came back to me like the look on my little brothers face when i told him(i was 12 at the time) his dad was dead as mum couldn't face it herself, and how he'd hated me so much for being the one to have to braek it to him.

Just seeing that year written down tears me apart because of it, if that year could just be ripped from time so many problems would vanish for me.

oh man i'm strating to ramble now, i'll shut it before i bore everyone. sorry

Hiya Hun
*cuddles* Im here for u .
please take care
x

Hey *gentle hugs* having someone die can be extremely hard to deal with especially as you were so close to her. And people start blaming themselves for why the person died.
Sorry I haven't got many words.
Have you talked to anyone in RL how you are feeling?

Amy x

Nah not many peopel really get to much of an insight into me.

Some people know i got a few little things up but i think only one person has let me bable on about it all to her.

I was fine this weekend until i left a cafe and saw jade goody's face plastered all over the magazines.
How stupid is that, i can't even face whats going on to other people without getting down.

Oh well tomorrow is a new day and who knows i may feel a little better.

May I ask what happened?
Why do you think that hitting her somehow lead to her death?

yes maybe if we knew why you think that we could help you realize it's not true?

Hun, I'm sorry to hear your friend died. Must be really hard, though it does get easier with time. Take care, sweetie. xo.

Well me and her got into a really big fight, the biggest one ever between us and i punched her in the head, nearly knocking her out. Then a short while later she gets rushed into hospital with a brain tumor right where my hand had hit.

I've had people ask experts and all that to try get it through to me that this could never cause a tumor but there's always gonna be that what if thing.

yeah tumors grow over a long period of time... there's no way you caused it. i know that doesn't help much though. :(