not abuse, but, scares me so much.
 

ok so im 15, my dad has never hugged us kids or never like..had any physical contact with us. He's only just started hugging me the last year or so and thats fine.
tonight he came up behind me when i was eating dinner and started rubbing my back and i felt so uncomortable and he knew it. he noticed how i was pushing myself away from him but he kept doing it.

he then came and sat next to me so i picked up my plate (after i'd finished) so that i had a reason to get up and leave. he took it out of my hands and told me how his councilor had grabbed his hands in a councilling session after he told her about how uncomfortable he was with people touching him. so he grabbed my hand and started squeezing it and i tried to pull my hand away but he kept hold of it.

he stopped, so i put my hands in between my knees. after like a second he grabbed my hand again and just held it. i was freaking out this whole time and he told me that when his councilor had done this to him he felt uncomfortable so he knew that i was uncomfortable but he said now he's okay with it so i said i really dont like it. but he still kept doing it.

i then ran away to my room and he followed me up here and started rubbing my back again except this time he got lower, not anywhere innapropriate but close. then he asked for a hug because he was going to bed so i did, and he was like holding me by my waist/lower back. usually he hugs round my upper back.

im so scared im not sure if its just paranoia. im going to tell my psychologist but thats like a week away.
i cant tell him again how uncomfortable it is because he doesnt listen. ive already told him.
im fine with anyone touching/hugging me, just not him.
anyone been in this position before? i know he loves me and i dont think he'd do anything to hurt me i just get so scared.

sorry this is long.

I don't know your family situation... so I apologize for assuming.. but could you talk to your mom about it and get her to talk to him?

Also, if you're feeling uncomfortable can you have it so that you won't have alone time with him, at least until you get to your psych appointment and can discuss it with him/her?

Unfortunately it's nearly always the people who know you best who hurt you because they don't think they are hurting you. Is it possible you could arrange to stay at a friends place for a sleep over or something to get away till you can talk to your psychologist? I know he hasn't done anything yet and you don't want to upset him, but he should listen to you and leave you alone when you want to be left alone.

thankyou for the responses. im going to try and get out of the house as much as possible.
i cant talk to my mum about it because they kind of hate each other right now.
i know logically he'd never do 'that' but i just get so scared. this week mums working, my brother's at school, ive got the week of and dad isnt working. so..im kind of scared about that. we are both at home, from like 7am to 6pm at night, home alone.

Go and visit as many friends, make shopping appointments, go get a hair cut, see a movie, go to the beach/park/some public space, do as much as possible to get out of the house and don't go back there until there is someone else home. Perhaps tell a close friend too? Someone who you can call up at any time and go round there if you need to get out?

I don't blame you for feeling scared. I would be too. And I might be wrong but I have to say I don't believe that a qualified counsellor would grab somebody's hand and hang on to it like that knowing they were uncomfortable with touch, because a) it's highly inappropriate and b) it would just increase the person's anxiety.

It's very hard to stand your ground when you feel scared and intimidated by somebody, but it's important with harassment to be clear with the person that you're not going to just let it continue, because it makes you uncomfortable. If he does anything like that again, just say to him calmly but firmly, "Dad, I think it's great that your counsellor has helped you be comfortable with physical contact, but you are not my counsellor and you can't just can't force it on me. It makes me anxious and upset and I want you to stop doing it."

I would also talk to your mum about it, let her know that the way he's been behaving has been making you uncomfortable and ask her to tell him to stop if she sees it happening. If he continues to do it even when you've told him you find it distressing, remind him that repeatedly causing you deliberate distress counts as harassment, which is illegal, punishable on conviction by a six month jail term or a £5,000 fine.

If anything more sinister happens, or if you're still worried about it, I really recommend you call Child Line on 08001111. It's completely confidential and they deal with all kinds of bullying, abuse, domestic violence, problems at home or at school, self harm etc.

there's no way im telling anyone here. i will try and stay out of the house as much as possible. just..i had a whole heap of things at home i needed to get done. i guess ill manage for a week. im pretty sure he wont get worse, and freaking out is only freaking out i guess. im probably not making sense, sorry.
but thankyou for the replies..

EDIT

Sorry plastic_rose, didnt see your reply. I will try saying something along the lines of that to my dad and see what happens. i will be interested to see whether he keeps it up ebcasue he came in aetr it all and said 'i didnt mean to make you feel uncomfortable, im just trying to help" (even though i told him straight out i was uncomfortable).
i cant tell mum, they are seperating and she'd go absolutely nuts and theres still the posibility that im being paranoid. i will definitely try a helpline. i feel stupid that i didnt think of that.
thankyou.

Obviously I can't change the way you feel and if you don't want to tell anybody you absolutely don't have to but I want to tell you something. It's your house too, and you have the right to feel SAFE there. Intimidation, violence, abuse, harassment, they ALL thrive on people's silence. If you put up with it, avoid him and say nothing, it only validates what he's doing and gives him the green light to do it again. It's very important not to let people get away with that kind of threatening behaviour. If you don't want to talk to anyone else, I still strongly encourage you to talk to Child Line.

i will talk to a helpline. and if he does anything again i will tell someone. im at the point where im not sure if im being paranoid or not.

I completely understand. For what it's worth I don't think you're being paranoid. It may have been totally innocent, but that kind of behaviour would have freaked me out too. You're not alone. *hug*

dont worry you're not being paranoid. You feel what you feel and there's no way you can fake that. I believe the aus help clinics also allow you to stay there temporarily if you really need to get out of there fast, just in case, and being in melbourne there's bound to be one there you can get to

*hugs* stay strong and don't doubt yourself. Your instincts are your best warning.