the screaming ... make it stop.
 

HE is here again, in my head.

SCREAMING at me. telling me it again. shouting it again.

i cant take it anymore. the images, the flashes of blood i see, watching the blade go in.

i want to, it goes away after that. it slows down after that.

i keep hearing the wanting for me to hurt someone, hurt him.

sometimes i see what i could do if i wanted to. it SCARES me. i like it.

i can here the fight replaying in my head over and over. telling me the truth.

I HATE YOU.
IF YOU DISAPPEARED I WOULDN'T MISS YOU.
NO ONE WANTS TO YOU.

then i feeling the falling and the ground hit me.

i want to cut again, i have it here in my hand AND i want to.

the screaming quietens, the images fade away into a blur and then nothing.

comes back after a while. i have to fight it again and i dont think i can.





i want to see how much pain i can take, want to feel pain.

Hun,
Please don't cut. You can get through this. *HUGS*
Is there anyone you could talk to about him? what he's saying, how you feel.. ect? Take care, we're always here. x

no one. they dont listen or dont want to.

they all left.

too late now.

I'm so sorry you're having such horrible images in your head and that you felt you had to harm yourself. It sounds like you are really really struggling right now and you need some professional help. Could you go and talk to your doctor about it? If you don't feel able to do that, you could call Sane Line (I'm assuming you're in the UK. If not I could find a relevant helpline for you in whatever country you live in) which is for people with all kinds of mental health problems. The number is 0845 767 8000 and it's 24/hours, 7 days a week and it's completely confidential.

Hang in there.

thanks for you post plastic rose. im trying to get some proffesional help. got my first psych meetin tomorrow :S nervous x

I'm really glad you're seeing a psychiatrist that's a very brave step. I think everyone is nervous before their first psych appointment. Good luck with it. x