RYL Forums - Krystal my love, is gone forever, but never forgotten

My fiancee Krystal M. daCruz committed suicide on February 18, 2009. she was my life and my inspiration. She had depression and had been battling it since before we met. she was not treated well by most of the people around her. she dressed and acted like a guy and was bullied for it. I am 20 years old, and she was only 16, but we fell in love very quickly and after only two weeks she proposed to me. i accepted because i knew she loved me and i loved her very much. I planned to spend the rest of my life with her, and she promised to love me and be with me forever and always. i promised her i would become successful, and that by the time she was out of school, i would be able to support her. she sometimes had random depressive mood swings, and i would always calm her down. she never went too far, and i never thought much of it. that was my biggest mistake. on February 18th we were at her grandmother's house, helping with some chores, and painting her living room ceiling. we had a lot of fun and we were laughing and playing around all day. We had spent the past two weeks together. i slept at her house two weeks straight. i was with her at all times and on the 18th, i just wanted to have some time to myself. i asked her to give me some space for a day, since we had no time apart at all for two weeks. i wanted to play some video games by myself and talk to some friends that i hadn't talked to in a while because i was with her so much. she was fine with it and we stayed in our separate rooms upstairs and downstairs. she came up and she stayed with me for a few minutes while i was playing a game, and then we both decided to go get some food from the kitchen. she got ramen and i made a couple sandwiches like i usually do. she went downstairs, and i usually follow, but not this time. i ate upstairs. then after about 15 minutes i went into my room to grab my laptop and go down to her room, when she messaged me on aim. this is the conversation that followed.

KDkarategirlUSA (7:38:15 PM):dont come down Jedpaull1 (7:38:33 PM):y? KDkarategirlUSA (7:38:42 PM):i dont want u down here Jedpaull1 (7:38:47 PM):ok??? Jedpaull1 (7:38:55 PM):i won;t be down for a little while anyway KDkarategirlUSA (7:39:12 PM):dont bother Jedpaull1 (7:39:21 PM):did i do something wrong? KDkarategirlUSA (7:39:26 PM):if u need anything u can get it but otherwise just stay upstairs Jedpaull1 (7:39:39 PM):i'm confused Jedpaull1 (7:39:52 PM):if that's what you want KDkarategirlUSA (7:40:09 PM):im tired of dealing with u Jedpaull1 (7:40:13 PM):what??? KDkarategirlUSA (7:40:18 PM):it kinda pisses me off to think about it Jedpaull1 (7:40:23 PM):what did i do KDkarategirlUSA (7:40:34 PM):just the way u act Jedpaull1 (7:40:59 PM):i don't understand KDkarategirlUSA (7:41:19 PM):whats hard to understand about it? just dont bother me anymore

this was the last conversation i had with her. the last word she ever said to me. i had no idea what she meant by this, but i assumed that she for some reason wanted to break up with me. usually i go to talk to her and calm her down. i went downstairs, and brushed my teeth first, then went to her bedroom door. this was no more than 3 minutes after her last message. i knocked and heard no answer. i assumed she fell asleep, because that was a habbit of hers. i decided not to barge in, and that i was going to let her rest and not bother her until morning. i went back upstairs, still feeling a little uneasy about the whole thing. i started to chat with one of my best friends, franticly trying to think of something i did wrong. the only thing i could think of was that i wanted space that day, and she was mad at me for it, and thought i didn't want to be with her, but in reality, i,loved he rmore than anything, and i just wanted time alone. i talked with my friend for about 15 minutes, and he kept telling me to calm down. i did, and decided to just talk to her in the morning. i fell asleep for about a half hour. i then woke up and felt very strange. Krystal usually came up to see me or at least messaged me by that amount of time, even when she was realy upset. she would always get over it and be happier than she was before. i messaged her mother in the other room to tell her i thought something was wrong. i talked to her for about 15 minutes and told her everything i thought may have been wrong. then i decided to go down and check on her. i knocked on her door. no answer. i called her name and asked if i could go in...no answer. i slowly opened the door as to not wake her up if she was sleeping. When i opened the door, the first thing i saw was her body facing her bed. it looked as if she were propped against her bed, maybe on her laptop. relief filled me, and then it was all suddenly stripped away from me. i walked in and saw the truth. Krystal had hung herself. I instantly ran to her and picked her up with all of my strenght. her body was cool to the touch and had no support of it's own at all. I screamed her name and screamed for help throught the floor as loud as i could. i held her up as her mother ran downstairs and helped me lift her. i held her with all of my strength, and her mother untied the black leather strap that Krytstal had tied around the bet bar. we moved her to the floor. her mother is a nurse and she immediatley started cpr and i immediately called 911. i then went back to check her pulse and there was none. her hands were frozen and her fingetips were red. her eys were completely dialated and that is when i realized we were far too late to save her. i lost all hope in that moment. in a short period of insanity, i thought it was all just a very vivid dream. i have vivid dreams from time to time and i wake myself up from them by hurting myself in the dream. i ran upstairs and out the door of the house and statred to smash my head against the wall. i didn't feel a thing and i knew it had to be a dream. her father ran out and pulled me away from the wall and to the ground. i had no idea what was going on. i gave myself a minor concussion. that was the worse and longest night of my life. they took her away after trying franticly to bring her back, but it was far too late. more than an hour had passed since she did it. She was doing it as i was outside her bedroom door the first time i went down that night, and if there was ever a chance to save her, it was then. but i had no idea. now she is burried and i visit her very often. i miss her smell and her touch and most of all her beautiful smile. We planned on getting married in 2013 on january 1st. we were going to go to japan for our honeymoon, and we were very much looking forward to anime boston this year. now all i can do is try to remember how she made me smile, and i know that i was able to make her happy, for at least a little while. i will never wish i had never met her, becuase she showed me what love truly is, and she will never be replaced in my heart.