i'm breaking....
 

and i can't do anything to stop it. i can't even decipher all these stupid freaking thoughts in my mind. i have no idea what they mean cause i can't unraval them. so how does anyone possibly think i'm going to get any help!?!? i just want to die. to go away and never ever ever come back. everything in this world haunts me. it torments me.
then sikes won't help at all..i thought school counselors were supposed to talk to you? i guess not! cause he said he won't talk to me. whatever. he will learn one day that it's not good at all to put me off. i feel that my problems are not nearly "BIG" enough for him. if he wants to see big, i can show him big.
i hate all his freaking sarcastic remarks to everything. sometimes those remarks hurt me. he doesn't even realize it because he can't see past all the fake smiles i put on. he says he can see past it all, but i seriously do not believe him. i love him to death, but i really really wish he would be a little more understanding.

i'm really sorry for wasting someone else's space. this should not be for my post, it should be for someone else. i bet people won't even waste their time reading and replying back to this. whatever. i'll just go crawl in a hole and die. one day people will take me seriously. but that day..it may be too late.
support?
advice?
anything would be appreciated?

hang in there. someone cares, even if those immediately available (I'm assuming you're talking about your dad and your school counselor?) blow you off or act like jerks.
these feelings are serious, and if nothing else, people on this site are here.
do you have a close friend who you can tell about these feelings and trust to do whatever they think is best for you? sometimes friends know more that parents, counselors, or other dingbats who hold power over you.
<3 i hope you start to feel better soon...even in the daylight maybe.

PM me if you'd like, I looked on your profile for an AIM screen name but you just have Yahoo, so i guess that's out of the question.

thanks. i mean about the conselor..i do like talking to him cause i feel that he understands, but he does blow me off at times. sometimes he's just playing, but at times i can't tell if he is. he just doesn't understand that part.
i have some good friends that know about this, but i feel that i'm being burdensome by telling them. i'm trying not to tell them as much anymore. so besides the counselor, i don't really talk to too many people about it.
i actually do have AIM, i just don't get on it that much. but yes i have yahoo and msn.

Heya hun,

I can totally relate to what your saying, my therapist acts like a complete arsehole. But the thing you've gotta remember is that they are there to help, even if it seems that they don't wanna be there. You said that you feel as if your problems aren't big enough for him, you have to remember that problems are never bigger, smaller, important or less significant than each other, they're just different. I'm sure even if your counsellor's a complete idiot, he knows that.

Keep strong and stay safe. PM me anytime. xx

You don't need to untangle your thoughts because most of them are just static from being too upset/emotional. Surely you have noticed when you get upset that your head spins with a lot of circular thoughts and you feel like you are falling inside yourself.

It also happens that when your upset your mind also turns negative - and you attract negative thoughts just like a magnet attracts metal fillings to itself.

The way to reverse this situation is to give up being upset but when people have negative thoughts they get more upset - which gives them more negative thoughts - which makes them more upset etc. So the situation becomes a vicious cycle.

Worse is that people then need some pleasure or coping mechanism to deal with the pain of being upset and full of self doubt (which is upsetting) and those compensations can keep people from resolving pains and upsets because they just try to make good feelings to balance out the bad feelings but that just takes people from their centers (indeed bi-polar syndrome is people swinging from emotional extremes that are like two horns on the same goat.)

Struggling with the thoughts themselves just makes them worse and drives the suggestions deeper. When your upset and have a lot of thoughts just think of it as the same as a slap on the hand that leaves a sting. If you just wait the sting will go away. If you get angry and upset with yourself, your problem, and peoples antics in general, its prolongs the pain and makes it worse.

All the crazy thinking will lessen if you can be more patient with yourself and others, and if you can just "watch" the thoughts and feelings trying to get you to react and struggle with them. Think of it like a skill not unlike typing etc. The more you practice this the better you will get at it.

When I am tempted to feel upset I just stand back from it all and then things settle down and I can see clearly. My intuition takes over and works better than the intellectual gymnastics that only would confuse me more. You don't need to analise problems because that involves you with them deeper. When you can step back from problems you will become objective and then you will have realisations or "aha" experiences that make you progressively more free without struggle.

Thanks everyone.
The counselor is just ugh..i really don't know how to describe him. He really takes things too far, makes jokes just to make me mad. I don't think he realizes how mad I get when he does this stuff. Should I talk to the principal since he is out?

About thoughts..Insoverity-
Thanks. What you said made alot of sense. But my counselor is wanting me to in a way explore my thoughts and everything. It's hard to just stand back and try not to get upset. I really need to work on that.

Any suggestions on anything?

Hun, I'm sorry to hear you're going through a difficult time right now. *HUGS* You're not wasting space. It's what we're here for.
Is there anyone else other than the school counsellor you could talk to? Take care, sweet. xx

well i talked to the principal today. i can't really be that open with him because i am not that comfortable around him. but not really. besides the school counselor and the principal..that's about it. the counselor is getting onto me because i tried talking to someone else..he said since i was talking to him that i shouldn't be bringing other people into the mess. so there goes that one..at least i can say i tried.