I'm scared of who he's turning into!
 

I love my boyfriend so much but he's changing and I'm scared. When we met nearly 3 years ago he was so sweet and all i could say was what a good lad he was and how he will treat me right and he did. Nowadays he just seems to get so angry over nothing. I'm just waiting for the day that he really loses it with me. I don't know what to think. Am i being pathetic and over acting? Or should i be scared. I wish things were how they once were. He doesn't care about me self harming anymore, i mean i shouldn't blame him but surely he should still care. He doesn't want me to go to uni even though i had to deal with him going. He has actually forbiden me from going! He thinks he owns me, i have been such a push over with him. I think it has gone too far for me to recover. I could never leave him though. I need him and he deffinately needs me. God!! I don't know what to do!!!!!

Noone needs reply to this...i just needed to vent.

ok, he should not be forbidding you from doing anything, I mean it's your life, TOURS he doesn't own it...
have you asked him why he thinks that you shouldn't go? I guess it's possible he has a reason and just isn't expressing it well...

I think that first you need to speak to him nd see if you can work out what's going on... I don't think that you are over-reacting at all

He is addicted to you - and when guys get addicted and needy they get anger for the person they are addicted to. They not only resent themselves for being weak but they resent the other person for giving in to their needs too much because they know its making them into a slave of sorts. But this weakness is something your bf can only blame himself for ultimately. However guys will blame the girl 98% of the time. You need to pull back on the support and the goodies and let bf dry out from his addicitions to you. If you dont the stack will evetually blow. You might even get sick of him yourself because you dont respect him as much as you might let him think you do.

You're not being pathetic or overreacting at all, sweetheart.

Very often when relationships become controlling or even abusive - they can be the most perfect person in the world to begin with, and then these traits start coming through. Often by the time these traits appear, we're already believing that we're to blame for it, or that they were so wonderful once so they will be again. If you're already feeling vulnerable because of issues surrounding your self harm, the feelings of being dependant on him could be amplified. Does that make sense to you, honey?

It might be good to see just why he feels this way about you going to uni, maybe chatting to him when you're both relaxing?. Although if you think you really might be in any physical danger, have some form of back up or "escape plan" incase he turns. If it's coupled with other behaviours you're uncomfortable or scared over, it may better to step back and look at whether this situation is healthy. For either of you.

If you need to talk anymore about this at all in private to someone, my PM box is always open. I know how sensitive these matters are. We're all behind you and I'm thinking of you.

Please please try get help with this sooner rather than later you are not overracting because what he is doing is wrong. People always assume getting help with issues like this mean leaving the person but that is not always true and doesn't have to happen but he needs to know the way he is treating you is wrong. He does not own you, nobody does and you deserve better. If he is not willing to change for you then you don't deserve to have manipulative people like that in your life.

Feel free to pm me if you need anything sweetie and I mean it.
Take care of yourself
xx

Hii,
You're not being pathetic. *HUGS* If you think he's changing and everything then I think your best bet is to talk to him that's all the advice I have, hun. Take care. xx

He doesn't want me to go to uni as he thinks men will try it on with me and i always reply "and you think i would cheat on you?" he says he doesn't but the idea of people trying makes him upset. He has also said that he doesnt trust me with my SH and thinks that if he isn't close by all the time i could do some real damage to my self. I know he is only looking out for me in a way and that he does love me. Its just that for these past 3 years we have hardly been apart...atleast not by choice and that puts alot of strain on a couple and nothing is special anymore. I mean if you have to wait to see someone, when you finally see tham its special. I feel really guilty...i have said all this about him but what i havn't said is that i get angry too. I'm not perfect....I get frustrated and irritated sometimes and often i am out of order. I love him, i want it all to work out i really do. Thankyou everyone for your help. Thanks x

Ok, for one him not wanting you to go to university because men might try to hit on you is ridiculous, you have just as much chance of that going to the store, at work...anywhere you go.

I can understand the fear that he might have of your SH but as much as support during recovery might be important and helpful you both also have to realize that it's a very personal process and no one can do it for you. He has to understand that he can't "fix" you.

My fiance and I have been together for almost four years now and we're kind of the same way as we're rarely apart, we've been that way since we got together, I mean we've each gone on a few trips to visit with friends or work trips for a week or so, but it takes alot for two people to be around each other 24/7 and not start to irritate one another.

Everyone needs a little space, other wise you start to forget who you are, who they are and why you fell in love with each other in the first place. It's really hard to figure out where to draw the line of being a couple and still being individuals. A lot of times we end up taking things for granted without even realizing it.

Everyone gets angry and frustrated and even a little irrational at times, I myself am no exeption to that, I think anyone that has been in a relationship especially a long term one will tell you the same thing.

Relationships takes a lot of work, comprimise, understanding and mostly of all respect.

I think the two of you need to sit down and talk figure out what exactly your issues are and see if you can work through it.