Anti Humour/Jokes
 

I'll start:


Man: Doctor, I've broken my leg.
Doctor: I'm afraid it is a very bad break. You will never walk properly again.

Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest

A man walks into a bar
Now he needs stitches on his forehead because he was walking pretty fast

whats the difference between a jew and a pizza?
a jew is a person of religious faith whereas a pizza is a semi high protein food with lots of fat

Knock Knock
Come in.

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It shouldn't take more than one person to do this task, regardless of hair color.

What's the difference between George W Bush and a doorknob?
George W Bush is the ex-president of the United States. A doorknob is a mechanical device that securely closes a hinged door, thereby keeping your family safe from danger.

Why did the black man die?
Because he was the victim of a race-hate gang related attack.

Yo Mama's so fat, that she was instructed by the doctor to go on a low carbohydrate, high protein diet to reduce the risk of heart disease or even a heart attack later in life.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Their names, if you know them. If not just say "excuse me"

Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets?
It wasn't on purpose. Through the course of natural friction, his keys wore through the innards of the pockets. Being bald, on top of this, is inconsequential.

A man walks into a bar. His alcohol dependency is tearing his family apart and slowly destroying his liver.

How do you teach a woman maths?
Pay for her to join an adult education class.

Why did the little girl throw a stick of butter out of her window?
She has down's syndrome, which severely depleted her mental capabilities and reasoning, she had no idea that what she was doing might appear silly to others, it was one of her ways to express herself. Furthermore, down's syndrome also deforms the face, and mortality rate of down's syndrome patients under 10 is very high.

bahaha ilu dan XD

knock knock

whos there?

orange

orange who?




.... orange juice....


(my friends favourite joke)

Your mother has a well paying job and is a respected member of the community.

I find these funny.
Mainly because it's not what's expected / dark sense of humour.

Either way. . . :)

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?



The Holocaust


I always answer knock knock jokes like this. It confuses people.

Your mother is so fat she has to buy large clothes and is at risk of heart disease.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Being a chicken, it had no way to recognise nor appreciate the purpose, or indeed the presence of the road. Therefore, while it may have appeared to have been crossing the road to you, it was in fact merely walking around looking for food.

lol awesome.

How many kangaroos does it take to fix a leaky water main?

None, a kangaroo has neither the intelligence nor dexterity to do any kind of plumbing work. At best it could try to locate the source of the leek by jumping around, but even then it would be hard pushed to actually do anything about it.

What did the hobo get for Christmas?

Nothing.



How are a plum and a rabbit alike?

They're both purple, except for the rabbit.



Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: He didn't. He got hit by a bus.



Q: Why was six afraid of seven?
A: It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus are incapable of feeling fear.



Why are black people so good at basketball?


because they PRACTICE



How many Hindu's can you get into a Mini?
4 adults and possibly a small child.



There's an Irishman, a homosexual, and a Jew standing at a bar. What a fine example of an integrated community.

Three women are on an airplane. One's a blonde, ones a red head, one's a brunette. Unfortunately, the plane was going to crash and their was nothing they could do but jump out and parachute to safety. So the captain said to each of the three ladies, "You can only take one of you're possessions when you parachute out of the plane." The blonde says "I will take my watch becau-" But before she could finish her sentence the plane exploded because the flames on the wing had ignited the fuel tank. No one survived.



What do you call a hispanic working at pizza hut?
An employee.

Whats funny about four black guys eating fried chicken driving off a cliff in a cadillac?

Nothing, they were my friends.