Damn it! I slipped :(
 

As many of you know I have been SI free for 18 months now, which is why you don't see much of me anymore. Unfortunately I've had some heavy **** going on lately and I've gone and done it. Grrr- what a fool!!! After all my hard work! I'm so pissed at myself. It's just a few small burns on my wrist, something I used to do a lot before.

The thing is though...I'm not sure I even liked it. Maybe being hurt by my boyfriend in the past (that's all over now, we still live apart and are doing good), maybe that has made me forever fall out of love with pain and suffering. I hope so. It did make me feel a little better for a minute, it was distracting, but then 18 months worth of guilt descended on me like a ton of bricks and I wished for all the world I hadn't bothered.

So you're probably wondering why I'm here right? I'm not sure. I think I want someone to reassure me that just cos I've slipped it doesn't mean I've become that girl again. Does that make sense?

18months is great, I'd assume in that time that you have moved on greatly from who you were before. one slip up is not going to send you back onto the road. especially as you say that it didn't give you much satisfaction. try to remember how it didn't really help, that way you're less liekyl to do it again.

slip ups are awful things, especially when you're moved on for such a long time. but a slip up does not automatically send you ack to the place you have spent so long moving away from

I'm sorry that you slipped up, it sounds like you have been having a really stressful time and that's when people tend to go back to the coping methods that they have used in the past. You have been doing so well and that shows that you can continue with recovery. You were bound to feel good for a little while because of the feeling of release and distraction but it seems like you have come to a point where self harming doesn't help you much any more. I'm sure that you know of other coping mechanisms that might be more helpful.

Do you feel like you've become 'that girl' again? It sounds to me as if you haven't, even just for the simple fact that you are questioning how much self harming helps you. I truly believe that you can continue to recover if it's what you want. I hope things get better for you soon. Take care.